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    dots Submission Name: Petered outdots

    Author: Jimi James
    ASL Info:    24/m/somehwere
    Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 90/78/41
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 756

       Sorry for the title it might be bad

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPetered outdots

    left his umbrella at home
    to face the danger
    felt his feet on the ground
    to face the stranger
    The more his hair grew
    the more it grows
    the more his voice sounded
    the more it shows

    His eyes turned into green
    to see things different
    His arms got a pair of legs
    to walk streets permanent
    The more he lived
    the more it came
    The more he changed
    the more it stayed the same

    His fingers got tentacles
    so brains slowly petered out
    his feet finally got finny
    his brain vanished into a cloud
    The longer i fight it
    the longer it wins
    the longer i denied it
    the longer it grins

    Submitted on 2005-07-18 09:08:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I love this whole peice. I just can't put my finger on it. Just what I felt when I read it. What the words said. What the images brought. It's amazing. It made me cry. I'm not sure what you were talking about in it. And I guess it doesn't matter but it is good. My favorite part was the whole thing. I love this!
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a truly amazing peace. It was simple yet it expressed a hell of a lot of things. Not only that but it was original, and very much so. It was fresh and very...just 'good' I suppose. Though it is, perhaps, an understatement.
    I was especially fond of this:
    "His eyes turned into green
    to see things different
    His arms got a pair of legs
    to walk streets permanent"

    You had both the mechanics down; flow rhythm, rhym and so on, but also the emotion and the sort of 'realness' that one only finds every so often. Definitely a favourites edition. I really enjoyed reading this and hope you continue to write. However, I would be interested to see a title on the piece, if possible.

    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Emma_closes | [ Reply to This ]

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