Petered out -------------------------------------------
left his umbrella at home
to face the danger
felt his feet on the ground
to face the stranger
The more his hair grew
the more it grows
the more his voice sounded
the more it shows
His eyes turned into green
to see things different
His arms got a pair of legs
to walk streets permanent
The more he lived
the more it came
The more he changed
the more it stayed the same
His fingers got tentacles
so brains slowly petered out
his feet finally got finny
his brain vanished into a cloud
The longer i fight it
the longer it wins
the longer i denied it
the longer it grins
I love this whole peice. I just can't put my finger on it. Just what I felt when I read it. What the words said. What the images brought. It's amazing. It made me cry. I'm not sure what you were talking about in it. And I guess it doesn't matter but it is good. My favorite part was the whole thing. I love this!
This was a truly amazing peace. It was simple yet it expressed a hell of a lot of things. Not only that but it was original, and very much so. It was fresh and very...just 'good' I suppose. Though it is, perhaps, an understatement. I was especially fond of this: "His eyes turned into green to see things different His arms got a pair of legs to walk streets permanent"
You had both the mechanics down; flow rhythm, rhym and so on, but also the emotion and the sort of 'realness' that one only finds every so often. Definitely a favourites edition. I really enjoyed reading this and hope you continue to write. However, I would be interested to see a title on the piece, if possible.
Submission Name: Petered out
