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    dots Submission Name: green pixesdots

    Author: patrick o_riley
    ASL Info:    16, male, ontario
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 70/91/25
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 967
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1048

       hey have anny of u seen moulain rouge??? dose this remind you of annything???? hey i wanna know what yuo think(don't tell me i suck at spelling cus i know that allready!!) lol

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    dotsgreen pixesdots

    Green little pixies flying around,
    Picking on those who hate.
    Who are the ones who hit the ground,
    Those pixies aren't really great.

    They will hurt u, pull your hair and punch you,
    They will kill your mind, body and soul.
    You know these facts are really true,
    You will become a big black hole.

    Darkness fills the spaces around,
    Your head and brain.
    You might be always pushed to the ground,
    Now can't you feel the rain.

    The rain seems like the beating of a drum,
    In your head you can hear the sound.
    You can se a wet piece of bread crumb,
    On the ground there you are bound.

    Hate and pain may fill your body,
    But you gotta keep hanging on.
    You feel your blood getting very clotty,
    All i have to say is ya mon.

    Maybe you don't se it now,
    But those pixies will go away .
    You might be saying how?
    But don't you worry live annyway.

    Submitted on 2005-07-18 20:14:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      aaaaaaaaa scary...it needs some fixing up and maybe change around ur words a bit and drop some less emotionfull lines...but still what the hell are green pixies lol...i mean obviously this is another teen agnst poem but at least its got some cool parts to it..in sted of "i will get hurt..." ect

    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
      The first stanza made me think of that part in the beggining when all the people are dancing and all the bright colours swirling around. And then I started to think that this seemed to be a lot about that chick and that dude (who I can't remember their names...Nicole Kidman and that guy). Anyway, it kind of seemed like how all of those other people were treating them, and they didn't care.

    In a way I liked this because of what it made me think of, but the little spelling things were a barrier. I know you said not to say anything, but it is something that you should work on. You don't have to, but it would make things a little easier to read. Basically, it's good either way. And if you're ever looking for someone to proof stuff for you, let me know. Maybe we can work on the spelling issues together. It's not so painful that way.

    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      This is interesting (in a good way). I like it. I don't really get the green pixies though. I'm guessing they're bad. But it's well worded and the flow was pretty good. I like the end the best. Very creative. But you gotta explain to me about the pixies... Anyways, great job

    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm to me this was a harder one to follow. im guessing "green pixies" are drugs or something that screw u up and make u depressed. but i know u said that u suck at spelling but i highly recommend thats something u should really work on. people on here will be on ur ass about it. and i sometimes tell people to correct their spelling but im not really telling u since u know. lol. anyways...interesting write. i noticed im the first one to comment! go me!

    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]

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