Fierce; so they say, so they know, so I am.
Weak; so you say, so you know, so I am.
Kind; so I show, so I must be, so I am.
Loved; so I seak, so I feel, so I am.
True; so i desire, so I will, so I am.
Gone; so I will be, so I want to be, so I am.
knowing; so i pretend, so i am told, so i am
| Hmm very short.. Well anyways I like what you did for this poem.. I like the format and the words. What you are feeling is common. Alot of people feel the same way you feel. And thats why poetry is so known for all ages. If you know what I mean. It probably is the top way to release stress or help with any kind of situation. I think if they see it on paper, and they read it.. it gives them a chance to actually realize how they are feeling, what they are feeling, what they are doing.|
To me instead of making lines of words, I would make stanza's to go with all your lines. Cause that would be more like a poem. If ya get what I mean. I agree with that one person, that it definately sounds like lyrics. Unless you want them to be and you were uncertain about them.. But overall I really like this poem/ or w/e youwant it to be.. Good Job
|| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ] || Easy... the word pinched me. Yes... most of us are.|
It is the choice of most people to go with the image handed out to them because most of us love the stage. We love to know we matter. And, for the public, a label is a must because it takes away the complications without making someone boring.
“True; so i desire, so I will, so I am.
Gone; so I will be, so I want to be, so I am.”
I take it that it was a truly concluding conclusion. I remember other people saying that you could either change or disappear. Well one can only change so much… and to try and disaffiliate one’s self from a certain identity is hard… especially if one remains in the place where the identity is bound. So… one chooses to disappear and that is understandable.
I’m not sure about the obligation of the last line… I think the entire piece would do well without it… in a narrative sense, of course.
|| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ] || I would call this more a song than a poem! It sounded good when I tried to sing it! I think its a little too short though. Its got a good opening. Perhaps the sentences that end with "So I am" could be the chorus and you could try putting in some deep words in between. |
After reading the first few sentences you give an idea to the readers what they would be getting and so the poem becomes predictable, because its going to end with "so I am". In order to enhance your poem, I think you need to increase its length and make slight changes to the end as well.
Final judgement: Good opening, can be made into a very good song composition, increase length and work on ending
|| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Bobby_Dzyre | [ Reply to This ] |