The Little One by gavinspikenard

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Submission Name: The Little One dots

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Author:	gavinspikenard
ASL Info:	20-something/m/USA
Elite Ratio:	2.85 - 273/334/104
Words:	105

Class/Type:	Poetry/The pain inside
Total Views:	460
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	707

Description:
Questions? Contact me through a private message...

The Little One dots

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Cream soda on a summer day
An occupied tire swing, swaying in a gentle breeze
Earning that first pet through a show of responsibility
A blanket doubled as Superman's cape
That cute girl with cooties who I chase and I laugh with
Storytime tales to excite a creative mind
Crafts containing macaroni
Hugs & kisses
Tickled and tucked-in

Why are my memories never this splendid?
Too much time spent countering grief
Parental abuse leaves my heartstrings in pieces
Up to my chin in adolescent angst

When love is served truly, it works like a medicine
But the treatment you give me is poison

Submitted on 2005-07-19 02:38:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like this.
in fact it could be close to love...

the way you start off with the perfect idyllic childhood memories... lulling the reader into thinking that this is what your childhood was... lemonade stands and the girl next door...
and the reader gets to thinking "oooo this is a pretty poem isnt it?" and they start to think about the things that makes their childhood memorable...
all of my magical memories seem to revolve around my dad really... im the typical daughter worshipping father girl... which is interesting really because... well... some where along the line (and im not sure where or when exactly) my father checked out of my life and into alcoholism making eveyrthing so much uglier and yet... i cant remember that stuff somehow...
anyways... brilliant way to start the piece...

then the second stanza...
the reality check...
the way it really was...
you know how in movies they have that rrrrrrrrp sound... like when you stop a record playing really fast...? thats what this second stanza is like... the rrrrrrrrrp sound that breaks up the perfect idyllic from the stark reality of the matter...

then you have the last coupla lines...
i guess thats the clincher of the piece...
the delivery of the lines that the poem set out to deliver like a blow at reality or parents or those who complain about their perfect childhoods or something...

yeah... this is really well put together and conveys the message really well...
i wrote something similar to this once... it was called some summer fling... it kinda encompassed my first love the shallowness of boys and my parents splitting up... haha... it was kinda cute...

good job dude
i cant work out why your stuff is not better reviewed
| Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, this is amazing, i am glad that i found this piece. you have a quality in your poems to take the reader with you, and make them understand why they came along, and take a better understanding with them when they leave...not everyone had a norman rockwall existence...that much is certain...well done

-nikki
| Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  This was so great to read because I can completely relate to everything, and you said it more beautiful than I could have ever. The last line really got me, just the way you stated it packed so much emotion into your writing. I hope I can read more from you soon.
~Candi
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Broken Angel | [ Reply to This ]

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