Description: Just give me some thoughts about it. I find this subject very cool, tell what do you think about it.
The fallen angel -------------------------------------------
None saw regret hidden behind blood
Falling from the holy kingdom into underground mud
His once so innocent feathers filled with guilt
Above each faultless feeling, vindictive pride was built
Pride became hatred,
Hatred turned into cruelty
Cruelty developed into war
A war about the eternity
Unfaithfulness and fidelity
Fought by the evil monarch
Mutating from an admirable bird into an eagle so harsh
This is the tale of an angel making demands
Disobeying the divine commends
Structuring his own convention
Dividing humans into diverse direction
Waiting for arrival of the Judgment Day
On that day
He will say
His last revenge words and his prey
For his day
He sits far away
With a nasty smile on his lips
Knowing the world will decay
Thats all true. Satan waits for judgement day so he can watch this world decay and watch the foolish non-beleivers fall and burn into his pits. But remember in the end he has lost no matter what he dose cause he has no power only hate and that is nothing compared to light. Hell is an abiss with only this world to look forward too after all many people will burn in hell. But anyways nice writing. peace out
nice job . very well structured. and .. simple wording but make me think about different passages.. so . i think ... you have a talñent .. and that why ill put this on one of my vfavorites just to check out your current works... peace and love! and take care! please check pout my writing !
this is a cool subject to play with...because everyone has their own opinions of the downfall of man, whether it be a random person on earth or a mythical symbol persuading to go the right or wrong path. i always have belived that each person is pushed one way or another because of persuasion...it just depends on how strong they are to think for themselves. neways it's really good, the only problem i had with it is that you have different rhyme schemes in each stanza...but other than that, it's enjoyable to read and discuss.
This was good I liked the way in which this was told, I to am intrigued by the fallen angel, in fact I have an on going story going on right now about a fallen angel , except the angel is a woman(at least in a womans' form, her name is Rebecca. But this tale you have told is quite good. It's refreshing to read a piece which shares a similar interest as yours. Nice work.
First of all; sorry for taking all that time to comment on this one! But here I am commenting on it, better late than never, right!
I really lived this one, and for many reasons, the most important reason is the subject discussed in the poem which is really beautiful and very very important too.
Today's world has gone crazy, everywhere there's something, in England, spain, Turkey and even here in Egypt! I don't know if you have heared about what happened in "Sharm El Shiekh" which is one of the best resorts worldwide, it was attacked few days ago and the result was about 85 dead and about 200 wounded and still counting! It's a mad world!
The second reason that made really like this piece is the way it was written and presented, as it was very well written and very well presented too.
I liked the stanza that says;
"A war about the eternity Unfaithfulness and fidelity Fought by the evil monarch Mutating from an admirable bird into an eagle so harsh"
And also the finale that was a very good one too, saying;
"For his day He sits far away With a nasty smile on his lips Knowing the world will decay"
Anyway, once again I hope I left a useful comment, and as usual I'll end it up saying Good luck and keep it up.
This was one of the best poems I have ever read! I love the subject and have wrote something like this you should read yourself. Anyway best of luck on your writting and keep up the good work.
wonderful my dear, a well-written piece. I agree with all my fellow writers except at the point of an eagle, in my opinion it is a very lovely image to describe yourself as an eagle instead of that angel. I know what you really feel my dear. I've passed this harsh period which really can turn the angel into an eagle. You did great my dear, you must be proud of yourself and I did consider spelling mistakes is a big problem, me myself has the same problem that is because we are not a native speakers my dear. I challange all my fellow writers to write the same thing which I write or which you wrote to try and write on our languages... lol ...
Yeah i really liked this ...Im assuming your second language is english and thats why there is a couple of slip ups there .....Maybe just a re read and re-working of some of those lines ....Expecially the one that dreamweaver has mentioned at the bottom there ... This was a really powerful peice ....one that you should be very proud of ....As for the context and meaning i wouldnt change a thing ...It was sad that the spelling/language thing got in the way ....so after a little fine tuning ....this would be a jaw dropping write
this was good. I think you have a nice style and it flowed pretty well. The line about pride being built and so forth confused me a little, but all in all...good job
This is very great subject to explore and write about. There were a couple of words I think you meant, but spelled them differently...
pride was built...instead of built and angel...instead of angle
The other thing that I think, is that an eagle is often seen as an admirable bird, maybe if you used a different animal or something. I was a little lost on one line here...
His last revenge words and his pray
Otherwise, I really did think that you had a great piece here. Honestly I think that it was great, just in my opinion needed some minor tweeking! Great job! Candi
wow.. you've expressed very powerful views in such little space. I love the first stanza.. and how you link the downfall of man to pride. its a very insightful statement to make. i just dont know what you meant by the evil monarch.. i want to understand what you're trying to say so please help me out
Submission Name: The fallen angel
