Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Crimson Stardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Di Re Rakord
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 130/125/30
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       Im not entirely shure that this is poetry but im going to put it as that anyway. This is supposed to depict the situatuion i am in as of now. Every one says we can not be together and now she does to. All thats left is my hope.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Crimson Stardots
    -------------------------------------------


    You look unto the sky
    In the clearest of nights
    Just like you always do
    Searching for the star
    That represents you and me
    You find the one that glows of sapphire
    A beautiful star meant only for you
    Which shows how pure you truly are
    And then your eyes lay upon a crimson star
    My star, separate, alone, so far away from yours
    Stained with the scarlet tears that I have shed for you
    And then its all so painfully clear
    We have no star
    Only two seperate individual ones
    The stars say we can never be together
    And what hurts more than that is
    You say it to.




    Submitted on 2005-07-19 13:18:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very well written and so very sad! I love how you use the celestials to describe your relationship as one and then as two. I am a big fan of the sky, moon, planets, stars, ya know just "out there" and you have used the references well. A nice write! I feel somehow bad though as I know what this must mean. Sorry to hear it! Great expression of the situation with this poem. Take care!
    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      To look into the dreamlike quality of the sky and use stars in this way, is ... not at all like love would have it. But this is no ordinary lament, two stars separated, and if we could change the heavens, so we would.

    The use of crimson as color is so fitting, and if you had stayed with her, you might have died in some way. But you are very much alive, and well and writing, great job, hope your healing is swift, my friend.
    peace and love,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Im sorry, not constucitve cristism because i dont even know where to begin on how much i like this poem. The best i can do is, your poem, my favourites...
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by hollowshell | [ Reply to This ]
      This could use a bit of judicious editing for the "two, separate, individual ones" describing the vast distance between the two of you. Perhaps "we have no star/ only separate ones." This is a very simple and honest work; I'm interested in what you have to say when you're not depressed. The language and imagery, for instance, blend very well together. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      great job. This is definately poetry, and not only that, this is good poetry. i'm not usually a fan of free verse, but some of it I like. this falls into that category. It's going in my favorites.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      Agreed with BA
    Good imagery on this
    Well written
    The whole topic of love is just the same
    It feels like even some of the best love poems dont really "shine through" to me though.
    I did like this
    And I know how you feel
    Love is wild, and to hold on is a rough job
    Good write again,
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Such love, such pain. As many relationships sadly go. This was well written. The language used was perfect for the poem, and the imagery was not overdone. Overall, well done. Ciao.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    67167

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry