Description: Im not entirely shure that this is poetry but im going to put it as that anyway. This is supposed to depict the situatuion i am in as of now. Every one says we can not be together and now she does to. All thats left is my hope.
My Crimson Star -------------------------------------------
You look unto the sky
In the clearest of nights
Just like you always do
Searching for the star
That represents you and me
You find the one that glows of sapphire
A beautiful star meant only for you
Which shows how pure you truly are
And then your eyes lay upon a crimson star
My star, separate, alone, so far away from yours
Stained with the scarlet tears that I have shed for you
And then its all so painfully clear
We have no star
Only two seperate individual ones
The stars say we can never be together
And what hurts more than that is
You say it to.
This is very well written and so very sad! I love how you use the celestials to describe your relationship as one and then as two. I am a big fan of the sky, moon, planets, stars, ya know just "out there" and you have used the references well. A nice write! I feel somehow bad though as I know what this must mean. Sorry to hear it! Great expression of the situation with this poem. Take care! Lorna
To look into the dreamlike quality of the sky and use stars in this way, is ... not at all like love would have it. But this is no ordinary lament, two stars separated, and if we could change the heavens, so we would.
The use of crimson as color is so fitting, and if you had stayed with her, you might have died in some way. But you are very much alive, and well and writing, great job, hope your healing is swift, my friend. peace and love, Nan
This could use a bit of judicious editing for the "two, separate, individual ones" describing the vast distance between the two of you. Perhaps "we have no star/ only separate ones." This is a very simple and honest work; I'm interested in what you have to say when you're not depressed. The language and imagery, for instance, blend very well together. Keep writing.
Agreed with BA Good imagery on this Well written The whole topic of love is just the same It feels like even some of the best love poems dont really "shine through" to me though. I did like this And I know how you feel Love is wild, and to hold on is a rough job Good write again, Big Bill-