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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Window Washerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 547
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1236



    Description:
       just something I was thinking as I looked out my window today......they really are filthy! and so am I! I am a dream ....at least eventually I will be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Window Washerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I look out my window,
    the one I never clean.
    But once you get through the muck,
    it really is like a dream.
    As far as your eye can see
    nothing but perfectness.
    But on this side of the glass
    lies a steady stream of worthlessness.
    Burnt Down Churches,
    Jesus H. Christ
    God Damn Curses.
    My knees are buckled,
    and my shoulders sag.
    The burden can’t be lifted,
    when the burden is all that I am.
    To Jesus Christ, Fuck You-
    This I say when I pray.
    For just once, someone doesn’t question,
    instead tries to relate.
    Not except my denial,
    Help Me slug it out with fate.
    All I ask is for some room.
    A little Le-way–The O.K-
    To do things my way-
    To use the back way-
    Time to say- What I got to say-
    When I want to say it-
    Cause It may not be today or tomorrow,
    It may not be next week………
    Hopefully by then,
    I should have these windows cleaned.
    Cause once you get through the muck,
    it really is like a dream.

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-07-19 14:01:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey. I really liked this poem. I think I always enjoyed your stuff.Just been ages since I read any. I started to write again not really knowing why. Found out recently the affects of drugs. My short term memory is basically gone. So I might not remember even typing this. Well to get back to the poem. I liked the flow. Though a couple parts did not rhyme I think it was meant to be that way. I have never prayed that prayer [censored] you to god but I have just said it direct. Religion is nto my thing anymore I gave up and probably wont turn back. I guess I suck at translating poems and seeing what they mean. To me I guess it's like the world is like the mucky window. Filled with dirt and hard to see through. Nothing good is there. But when you just give it a clean it is all clear. Almost as if your erasing the past. Well anyways I did enjoy it whether I fully understood the meaning or not. Maybe I'll heaar from you soon. -james
    | Posted on 2005-08-27 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      To me this is screaming "conscience". I think, in my own mind that this is about having to get something off of your mind so that you can feel good about yourself, and once you do, then what is beneath is perfect. Near the end of the poem (well place by the way, it is often the same in life) you mention how you must say what you need to say. I believe that every man has something to say, something to repent about in a way. My favorite part is:
    "For just once, someone doesn't question,
    instead tries to relate."
    I love this because I find it so true in life. People get so caught up in there own beliefs that they don't truly hear what you are really trying to say. Instead they just let their own beliefs take over instead of opening up their minds. I really liked that particular idae. Good write, thanks for the read, PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      Guess who is back!
    me me me me.

    Ok I feel this is gonna take some time to comment. Im at my 1st read and I feel that I hae lots to say. I wonder what will come up when I read more.

    Such a window you have. Feels like the window to ur inner soul, to ur inner mind.
    must be an interesting place your mind.
    there I can see ur devils and ur angels making a fight to clean that window, the way u see the world.

    2nd read!

    Seems to me as if someone making the balance inside his mind, appraising the good and the bad, his failures and his successes. Basically doing the cleaning of the past, to set the ground for a better future.

    3rd read
    here i see the material setting the room the town, the man behind the window with the person ( in my mind it is a woman) who can relate with the poet. The one waiting patiently for the window to clear adn to be able to get to the man, the real one hiding behind all that muck, waiting for him to clean that window.

    I am sure if i read more I will get more and will have to add to my faves and then charge u rent lol.
    Maybe it will be easier to stalk u. hahahahah

    Anyway I really enjoyed reading. Sounded like a personal assessment we all try to do once in a while. the big cleaning that helps us start anew.

    Viv
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow, LT. You never cease to amaze me with the range your work can take. Before I talked about the two-facedness in a previous piece, but in this one...wow. Definately a "On the inside looking out vs. outside looking in."

    I particularly enjoyed,
    "All I ask is for some room.
    A little Le-way–The O.K-
    To do things my way-
    To use the back way-
    Time to say- What I got to say-
    When I want to say it-"

    and I really enjoyed the full circle the poem took us in as it reverted back toward the dreamy esscence of the windows. *sigh* Reminds me of that saying,"Not all that glitters is gold" or more like "Don't judge a book..." Taking a deeper look/new look at things really helps with the perspective. Not mention having your own freedom to do/say what you like-as expressed in the exerpt I love.

    Now, as for a bit of critism...the only thing that really caught my eye was the over use of periods. It cuts some of the thoughts short when they don't need to be; definately some places where a comma would be put to better use.

    Anyway, just a couple thoughts. ^_^
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      Man, life has got to be better than this. I'm looking at the rest of my summer, and I'm really disappointed by the fact that it's already planned out. I've got a month and a half left in this place, and I have to work for most of it. It seems so pathetic. But it means less student debt. I don't think that your window is just window. I think that it's more ourselves. We're looking through our experiences, our pain, and our physical image that alll seem to be "muck" and are just trying to be ourselves. I think that I really liked this because you really looked at the state of each human being. It's not one of those stupid sex things that a limited number of the population will even like, but something that everyone can relate too. It's nice seeing you write something personal like this. Now for the actual writing of it, I think that you maybe could have changed a few things, but they aren't anything that ruins it. It's just awesome the way it is.

    ~Jessica
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      OH so very true, if only though life were just that simple as cleaming a window, to get through the pain, hurt, mistakes and failures, won't we all be standing with our bottle of windex! I should hope that you do get through the muck, but always remember that it is always your choice to smile or frown.

    Now about the poem... At first I must say that this didn't really strick me as anything that special, and that's not to say that it isn't good, but as I went on reading I found that there is so much more to a mucky widnow, and I love the way that you use yourself in a way to make the poem read better, but your talented in the aspect that the poem itself spoke to me and it felt like it was only to me. Great write!
    My only suggestion is that there seem to be alot of unnecessary words, and sometimes cleaning this up can bring the peice to a whole different level. But overall great write, and such a strong message.
    much love
    kaity
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey LameMansTerms

    Nice poem you have here, nice to see that you have been productive ;0) But I think that you poem start so well, but as I read it, I am loosing the energy, the rhythm and end up trying to get trough with air enough ;0) I think you really have an interesting idea, but you have to work on the middle part and make it more light, more readable ;0)

    Nice to read your stuff ;0)

    Keep writing ;0)

    KNS
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]


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