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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Life is short,death is foreverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 600
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1025



    Description:
       i already posted this on another user name
    i made some changes to it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLife is short,death is foreverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Life is short, but death is forever
    you never thought of these words
    When you try to take your own life.
    Did you now?
    Your mind has to be cloudy with the problems
    you had going on.
    These problems hit you one after another
    like mighty blow to the head
    not stopping to let you get back up on your feet to try to put up a fight for your life.
    you act out, start to self mutilate
    in till one night no one notices you.
    It pushes you to the edge.
    you want help no one notices the cuts on your arm and the pills missing from your parents cabinet.
    You let the knife slip into your wrist farther then intended, but it's too late.
    Your dead, not only you but your parents hopes and dreams for you
    They fall with you as they lower you casket 6 feet deep into the earth.
    As your parent s watch only so many tears are released, now knowing your safe and happy. They can say you got what you wanted "happiness".




    Submitted on 2005-07-19 14:17:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "Life is short, but death is forever" great opening line.

    you are speaking against self-mutilation and suicide and the story is very frightening. it seems the main character in the spurr of the moment made a mistake that he will never be allowed to take back. it's very sad and very well written. keep up the good work

    J. Ackson Jr.
    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by JAcksonJr | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... do oyu ever just write anything happy. Everything you write is so depressing. There are some aspect of life that are kind of joyful. But anywayz... this was good...just sad. Well.. w/e. I hope you find something in life (while your still here) that makes you happy... because life can be a living hell if you let everything get oyu down.
    | Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      well, this is a very blunt poem, i have to say that it is not as good as your other ones, this one didn't stir me like they did, you have a few spelling errors but they are easy fixes, the flow of the poem is there from the start to the finish, but like i say to everyone that it would be easier to read if you put it into stanza form
    EX
    Life is short, but death is forever
    you never thought of these words
    When you try to take your own life.

    Did you now?
    Your mind has to be cloudy with
    the problems you had going on.

    and then you can do the rest.

    when i was done reading this i got the feeling you wrote it because something really really bad happened, like you cut and it went a little to far but you didn't die, or they saved you, or something like that, (if that is way off...sorry)

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]


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