Next to Never by I_Bleed

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Submission Name: Next to Never dots

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Author:	I_Bleed_Ink
Elite Ratio:	5.56 - 183/176/53
Words:	105

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	242
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	703

Description:
whatever you got, i want it ^_^

thoughts, help, comments, interpretations...i take it all

Next to Never dots

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In dreams left for the waking,
Where sweat collects at your temple,
Sands of time webbing your eyes know--
Life's meant for the weak and simple.
Only in that blissful nothing,
Free of thought and feeling the same,
Does the heart discover conscience
And begin to recognize the name.

So when roads diverge in that wood,
That damned forest turning left and right—
Strain the eyes from stumbling feet
And look toward the soul’s light.
Because in the end of all this trouble
With days churning over in starry sea,
When hope has spread wax wings—
Remember, the sun’s heat is only me.

Submitted on 2005-07-19 16:54:57 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  yeah hey this is a step up in the allm completely right direction--towards excellency...Th
is is poetry not my type ....well that's not true just not what I would or could write --this is just pure, poetry ya know what I mean---I believe this is real good and I couldn't write it...I guess that;s what I am trying to say
Lamemansterms
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok, I have read it again! I just couldn't leave it like this!! So I said to my self let's try one more time with more concentration of course, it's 4:30 a.m here in Egypt and I should go to sleep, and may be that's the reason I can't really concentrate very well!

Anyway, after reading it twice I think I got the main idea of the poem but I still think you could have put some explaination in the description to help the readers.

I also must say that the poem lost simplicity! And in my point of view simplicity is one of the main keys for the success of any poem!

I can't deny it's beautiful but like I said lost simplicity!

I didn't understand the third line in the first stanza saying;

"Sands of time webbing your eyes know", I just couldn't get it! So please explain it to me!

I liked the second stanza more than the first;

"So when roads diverge in that wood,
That damned forest turning left and right—
Strain the eyes from stumbling feet
And look toward the soul’s light."

The first two lines were amazing, very good description, and the next part;

"Because in the end of all this trouble
With days churning over in starry sea,
When hope has spread wax wings—
Remember, the sun’s heat is only me."

Very well wriiten, rhymed well and flow smoothly too.

Anyway, I hope that you find my both comments helpful to you and I'll end up my second comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  emmm, that was very very interesting! This would be a great poem if I just know what is it all about! lol

I won't lie, I didn't understand! May be you should have explained it a little bit in your description!

I can't it's very well written with no spelling mistakes and with very well chosen words too , to construct strong sentences and good images too.

Also the flow was very good and didn't seem forced at all and seemed smooth for the most part.

I don't know what else to say! The title "Next to Never", is well chosen to capture the attention of the readers, it captured mine!

Anyway, that's what I see about this poem and I hope you inlight me a little bit.
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  I am not sure how to capture and understand this poem, but maybe like a dream it is not meant to fully understand. You are extremely talented with words, the way you lay them and twist them are gorgeous.

It seems to be a poem of hope and guidence, and possibly at the end the reward not being great, but enough to help get through those horrible times, when the roots of the forest bond us to the ground, and we depair sometimes with no cause, and other times with unwavering pain, that we have experienced. This poem will probably speak to everyone on so many different levels... what about yourself?

I do have a sugestion, and the only one:

"The sands of time in your eyes know"

this line doesn't make sence, I think I understand the connection between dreaming and sand, but it just doesn't make sence, maybe I am missing something, but rivising this would make the poem and amazing peice of art.

take care and smile,
much love,
kaity
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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