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    dots Submission Name: Crystal Eyesdots

    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 840
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 582

       I don't have much to say on this one... I guess it's pretty straightforward.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrystal Eyesdots

    What do you see beyond my eyes,
    my crystalline telescopes,
    my looking glasses?

    I see a sky,
    overlooking a deep forest,
    heralding the moon
    at the dead of the night.

    I see a pool
    of a transient azure,
    a pale hope only
    in darkness of the truth.

    And, I see a new world
    under one moon,
    working to light
    that omnipotent sparkle.

    And you.

    What do you see beyond your eyes,
    your crystalline telescopes,
    your looking glasses?

    Submitted on 2005-07-19 17:40:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think that I really like this because it questions everyone perceptions about everything. It isn't neccessarily our surroundings, but the people that we meet and our experiences as well.

    I definately like your style. It was a big hit to see you open with a question, almost aimed towards yourself, and then turn it around to end it with a questions towards someone else. I also really liked how you said what you saw. Not trying to say it in one massive piece of information, but breaking it up like that, it kind of made it make more of an impact. Or at least that's what I think. I don't know if you're understanding what I'm saying, but it's making sense to me. Basically, this was really awesome.

    I think that maybe sometime in the future you could maybe make this evolve a little bit. Maybe add at the end what you think the other person is seeing, maybe what they see in you, and what they see around them, kind of like how you described the new world, buy maybe in a more negative sense. It's just a suggestion. If you do do it, I would post it as a sepparate thing, and not destroy this. This awesome the way it is, but it's just something to think about.

    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is very good. It seems to have a way of moving about through the mind as you read it...like a river flowing through the sense. It's not overly complex but it's good enough to make you think about it after you have read it. I think the words provide great images and give way to even more.
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by thesinoftaima | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this piece it was very soothing not sure why. but it had a nice flow and your wording was great. all of it added to an awsoem imagery flowing thingy ...yes i have a great knack for words at the momnet. please excuse my lack of well juts good grammer and such. i think its a good poem and yea good job!
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]

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