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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In the silence of the darknessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: adamastor
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 66/65/19
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 191
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1368



    Description:
       This is a re-working of a work I posted lat week. I listened to some useful criticism and made some changes.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn the silence of the darknessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the silence of the darkness
    when her heart became a tear
    and memories rose around
    her like the bars
    that ringed the concrete chamber
    perched upon a rusting pier
    that stretched into an ocean
    made of stars.

    And in that place of whispers
    when the dreams became too much
    and half forgotten faces
    framed a sound,
    she forced the hand of reason
    as her fingers stretched to touch
    the voices singing
    just beneath the ground.

    And these voices sang of temples
    and of steeples and of spires
    that rose up to
    a heaven falling down.
    And when the darkness found her
    and her heart became a tear,
    the stars were scattered diamonds
    in her crown.

    And the stars were scattered diamonds
    and the moon a golden ball
    that rolled across the velvet
    evening skies.
    And the dreams were ones of flying
    and of dancing and of joy,
    and whispers were the moonlight
    in her eyes.

    In the silence of the darkness
    when her heart became a tear
    and memories wrapped
    their arms around her tight,
    the angel began smiling
    at the voice that she did hear
    for God was talking to her
    on that night.




    Submitted on 2005-07-20 04:26:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i like it but some of the lines are a bit repetative. i like the flow of the poem and i like the meaning. it seems a little dull though. maybe you could spice it up a bit.
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by qtctgurl77 | [ Reply to This ]
      mary? I didn't read the first post, but this is nice. Yeah, i know, that sounds weak. But it's not. I like the repetition. Great placement of repeating texts. I'd actually suggest the following change to the last stanza:

    Memories wrapped
    their arms around her tight,
    the angel began smiling
    at the voice that she did hear
    for God was talking to her
    on that night
    In the silence of the darkness
    when her heart became a tear

    I don't know. Maybe?

    Still, nice work.

    !n3pt
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by _n3pt | [ Reply to This ]


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