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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Greetings from Helldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Blindly-N-Love
    ASL Info:    17/F
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 197/141/29
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 307
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 689



    Description:
       I'm not sure if I like the ending.. Please tell me your thoughts and how I could improve on it. It would be much appreciated! Thanks alot for reading and commenting!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGreetings from Helldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Damn you and your sorrowful lies,
    You're worse than satan himself.
    My dead corpse is surrounded by flies,
    My vutuous body was mangled by your "love."

    Just bury me with your hate,
    We all know you had no problem killing me with your love.
    I should have listened to them all, and escaped.
    But I listened to your words; your lies

    ..Hell is warm, and smells like festering wounds.
    Don't act like you're sad I'm gone, wipe away the fake tears.
    I'm just waiting until you fall and reach your doom.
    You're the one who put me in hell; and we will be together again!




    Submitted on 2005-07-20 22:04:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the end a lot, as well as the rest. I thought the whole thing was very good. I especially like the darkness of it. Great wording and descriptions. I really like the lines:

    "Just bury me with your hate,
    We all know you had no problem killing me with your love."

    That stuck out for me the most. I definitely enjoyed this one. Another great job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      the thing that stuck out to me, is the use of the word.."vutuous" that seemed to be placed there for a reason

    as if to inform moral high ground... well, thats all.. i just thought was a well written part

    on the flipside

    PS... who is that band up there... i'm not hip with the new music...
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]
      ooooooo...very dark and deep. I like these F U writes sometimes and this one was pretty friggin good. If I would change anything towards the end...I would make the last line say:

    You're the one who put me in hell; and we shall meet again, far too soon!

    But thats just my feable attempt at it. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]



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