Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forever Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1166
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1089



    Description:
       This is one that over time I intend on tweeking a bit, just wanted to know what other people thought of it...please let me know.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForever Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know I can feel your gaze penetrating through me,
    it's your shadow dancing within the shifting winds.
    As I take a step into the dreary night,
    it's your footsteps I see in the wet grass.
    The familiar sent of your smoke,
    still lingers where you stood.
    Longing for me to take your hand,
    I must tell you that I cannot follow.

    Though you're gone,
    my life still drives on.

    I'll move on,
    for the love of every new day.
    Savoring every breath,
    until my last.
    My love,
    my heart you will forever own.

    For now,
    my soul is mine
    and mine alone.

    I miss your touch,
    your tender voice-
    whispering of undying love
    Those memories carry me through every day,
    in and out of the dark and lonely nights.

    Just know that I have given you my heart,
    I will not take your hand.
    With every passing hour,
    every breath-
    you will always and forever hold my love.




    Submitted on 2005-07-21 07:32:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Everyday I come here and i look for a poem that i can relate with. Something thats simple but portrays so many emotions and you put together something special. That love you speak of is so strong that even after that person has left whether died or just moved on that love goes no where because you still want to hold on no matter what. You really allowed me to see and feel exactly what was happening right there and then between the two people. It was like she was trying to be so strong try and stand on her own without him there feeling and seeing that love that he probably gave her each and everyday (because you spoke of how she could still see his foot steps and smell that smoke) its so vivid in what she still remembers even though he passed on that love and memory is not fading at all. I enjoyed you write every word you said and exactly how it is structured. You probably wrote this a long time ago but a good write lives forever.
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by wallya20 | [ Reply to This ]
      Indeed a forever love, I'm sorry that I have been unable to make more regular comments on your poetry for the past few days, that was beyond my control but I'm here now. And I have alot of work to do.

    You did a very good job writing this. I so wish I was able to write free verse this will. Your use of imagery was simply magnificent. And I liked the internal flow you had going in this.

    This piece seems to speak about the lost of a love through death and the difficulty the remaining partner as with coping and moving on or could it be that there was not actual death but just a separation of the two and the persona speaks of the parting, metaphorically as a death or dying. Either way, I really like this.
    There is only one thing I see that is wrong with this, in this line

    "The familiar sent of your smoke,"

    The word sent in this I believe should be scent it made more sense that way. Anyway, keep up the great work and have a blessed and wonderful day. Definitely another for the fav's list. God bless.
    | Posted on 2006-04-15 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully written

    It shows jusy how strong and lasting of an impression this person has made on you

    Im presumming you are writing about one of the three friends whose lives were lost

    Dont worry for them for they have not really died

    There memory will always stay strong in your heart and evreytime your down just look to your heart and see there memory stronger than ever


    Please take Care
    Ron

    I also would like to thank you for your recent comments your story is a sad one but I see you have chosen to move forward and grow from the situations you have gone thru
    Very Refreshing
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      ok are you trying to get on my favorites every poem here? awesome every word touches me. I'm completely taken away by that immortal stanza "I'll move on, for the love of every new day. Savoring every breath,until my last.My love,my heart you will forever own." Candi you are an artist, let that be known forever, mike
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautifully written heart ache. why is it that the most wrenching feelings are the most touching on paper? tweak it a bit but please do not tweak it too much. bye and good luck. ash.
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautifully written. It is full of sadness and a sense of longing. I think I might classify this as longing instead of love as it strongly feels that way. I like the poem very much! Great expression of feelings! "It's your footsteps I see in the wet grass, the familiar scent of your smoke, still lingers where you stood" is my favorite part! Great descriptive sense of loss and sadness! I can't find anything to pick on with this and I think this is sooo good! I gotta fave it! Beautiful poem! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      this was deep real deep. but i think its just me i couldnt see if the person was dead or they just broke up because you related everything so good as to like longing for me to take your hand and you will always have my love. stuff like that, but hey i still enjoyed reading it, you did a good job going deep and bringing out sadness and fear of losing in this piece good job
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]
      Deep sense of sadness is what I feel, almost as if you suffered this persons death since I am feeling your strong connections to this person you speak of...makes me think this because of "I must tell you I cannot follow"..after saying "longing for me to take your hand".
    Destiny does what the heart feels in life, I truly know this.."my soul is mine alone"...the way it is used within this gives me a feeling you have a very deep emptiness, can you not rejoin this love?
    Alan
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of those piece that makes one appreciate the value of love. Especially if one has been taking those significant others for granted. Still its a beautiful piece that envokes beautiful emotions of love...It made my heart BLEED especially when you experience that love ever again...what a loss...I loved the flow of this piece...its most...beautiful...This piece has been wonderfully crafted...Thank you for sharing...Nobantu
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    67422

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry