Description: We all have books with lines we should have used but never did. Too scared to say something in case it's the wrong thing and then the moment's gone...
Hey. This had a powerful message. I have missed an uncounatable number of opportunities just because I give answers without thinking the question thoroughly. This is a global problem, when people make mistakes and once they realise that they have done so, it is impossible to correct them. I am sure that everyone can relate to this write, and enjoy it the way I did. You handled the use of such little words very well, and you deserve commendment for that difficult task.
I've read several of your pieces now and I want to applaud your general style and form. By nature, I'm not one that's into strict form and I feel it's unfortunate that many people writing minimalist stuff get hung up on Haikus and Tankas. You've managed to retain the elegant simplicity of minimalism without sacrificing your thoughts to a certain number of syllables. Well done!
In this particular piece there are probably more emotions than there are words! There's love here and pain as well. There's a huge amount of patience as well as something that is the opposite of frustration.
What comes through loud and clear is the waiting. "I've been hurt, but I won't hurt you back. I'll just wait here."
Tip toeing waiting for the proper moment. This reminded me a lot of a cat. *shrugs*...you know how they quiety approach something...then just sit and wait...then...at the right moment...it POUNCES!
I know every one else has commented on "t i m i d l y" but I have to say again, the line before and after compliment that line extremelly well. You put "chasms" between each letter, and the spacing creates a sense "measuring" out the space between each letter, "measuring" out the meaning of a word, or a poem. Beautiously beautiful.
The last two lines.. its like the writer is waiting timidly for a response/reaction from a certain person, ya know? tiptoeing along until it comes, yet tiptoeing more because it doesnt come. But those are just my stompin a mud hole dry thoughts...hee-hee. Have a good one and keep smilin'
Well done. I have to ask is this a "portrait" of conversation...or a dialogue with a dusty old book, or what is it? Whatever it is it was worth reading through 4 times as i just did.
You never disappoint. There is little room to wiggle in these shorter efforts that's why i think your spacing on "timidly" is brilliant and well placed.
As soon as i'm not crazy-busy i'm going to zoom through all of your work...and of course, i'm still stalking you. be well, see you later, kc
I love minimalistic, simply-stated pieces that poignantly bring across meaning with few words. This was well done and it reminds us that NOW sometimes doesn't come back & we can't afford to be t i m i d. Great! Love,Peace,Joy!
i'm a firm beiever that life is too short to keep feelings to myself anymore.. i've missed many an opportunity because i "tiptoed" and missed the moment. no more! need i say i love your minimalism...?! i like how you stretched out t i p t o e.. to great effect. and i love "mute boundaries." don't want to upset the apple cart, so to speak.. but then the apple cart is usually in our own head, is't it? short and to the point, as always. take care, @ Cat
I thought I’d check out another of your pieces here.
this one form could be something that is going on between two people. another aspect could be a spiritual force that seeks to come between people or that seeks to disrupt one person. but in taking the whole piece together I doubt it is that. a person talking/thoughts to/toward another. this strikes me as someone who is walking in eggshells and is wary to open up to another person. the mute boundaries I can also take to ways one is the silence between two people and another is certain unsaid “rules” that are not to be breached this applies to those complex people. who a person never really has the knowledge of how to act in their presence. the lonely crevices could be the mood of the person caused by the others “shadowed remarks” “stealing across chasms timidly measuring time” this within the context has me believe it is a feeling of one person to another and its has tenseness to it that gives me a uncomfortable feeling. I like the effect on the second to the last line.
well done here good piece and great depth in a small amount of space,
Submission Name: Tiptoe
