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A masked soul


Author: nsnaakyhhh:)
ASL Info:    15/F/WA
Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 19 /27 /5
Words: 243
Class/Type: Misc /
Total Views: 905
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1498



Description:


I have met many who fit this description, and hope that someday they will truly be free of the chains that they lock themselves down with. Feel free to give any kind of feedback for I am certainly not afraid to hear the truth.


A masked soul



The sunrise finds its way
Through the slats of her windowpanes
And slowly she awakens
From the sleep that took long to gain

A furtive glance at her alarm
Only a quarter past five
And finally she comes to realize
Indeed she is still alive

For a bit of precious time alone
She feels a peace at heart
And then it is time
For the ways of the world to start

The alarm clock begins its lazy buzz
And out escapes a defeated sigh
For she knows
She must not let them see her cry

On with her day she moves
The perfect example of a happy girl
The epitome of blissfulness
Until you glance into her world

Within her eyes you may catch
The pain that lies below
The anguish and the heartache
That few think her to know

But they will soon discover
The pain within those eyes
Is the anguish of a soul
Hidden well in a disguise

On the heartache will continue
Until someone is willing to be
Her helper and her savior
Discovering who she is to be

Until the day her rescue comes
The girl will likely stay
Deep within herself
Hidden, locked away

So if you know this girl
My friends be for her kind and true
The key that unlocks her chains
And sets a soul anew




Submitted on 2005-07-21 12:33:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  You had a nice plot behind this piece, and I probably know people like this but as you say, they hide it behind smiling faces and the like. I look forward to reading some more of your work because this is a nice opening into your style of writing and I'd say this is a pretty solid write. So keep it up and welcome to the site!
| Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  blah. these people who comment are weird. i am about to make your % go lower than mine. somehow... try a diffferent type of rhyming scheme. gets boring after a while.
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by Sephiroth | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey Ash-
Well, I finally got around to reading you poetry. I must say- I wasn't expecting a piece like this... You exceeded my expectations Miss "I can't write poetry". I especially liked the way it was very to the point but it still showed strong feeling. However, I must comment on the last stanza- It sounded a little more forced then the others like possibly you didn't know how to end. Other than that and a couple spelling errors, I believe you are on your way to becoming a poet m'dear. Continue using it as an outlet. When everything else is gone- words will always be there. No one can take that away.

Love you,
Kali.
| Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Kali | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed reading this. I love rhyming, and yo told the story well. My only picky thing:

"On with her day she moves
The perfect example of a happy girl
The epitome of blissfulness
Until you glance into her eyes"

That one stanza doesnt rhyme!!! I realise it's not a big deal, but it would be nice to bring it into line with the others. How about:

"On with her day she moves
The perfect example of a happy girl
The epitome of blissfulness
Until you glance into her real world"

Just a thought. I was VERY impressed with this.

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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