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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A wicked tripdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Venting
    Total Views: 752
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 896



    Description:
       It's not supposed to /rhyme/ fool. It's free verse. Me n' the gorgeous-uber-sexy John Kogut wrote it in English. Stoned? What do you think?


    We were about to get in a lot of trouble... having read this aloud in front of class... the last line saved our asses though. We were like...

    "Yeah, so there Mrs. Escott, we weren't talking about weed or acid trips, it was all a METEPHOR FOR A PLANE RIDE! HA! Take THAT!"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA wicked tripdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like a rock interrupting peaceful waters it caught me off guard, like a ripple in my mind.
    Undefined visions, blurred, undermined, undetermined in my head, seeing sounds and hearing colours, feeling what's unreal?
    Imagining reality, living imagination, running through this sweet sensation.
    Thoughts and feelings in a whirl, unorthodox, temperous, and uncontrolled under the black light.
    Soft and mello, the voice surrounding me like smog, filling my every dimension.
    It's a masquerade ball in my head, dancing figures, unknown, tumbling down the stairway to heaven.
    Glistening like silver spoons upon the midnight sky, luminous, ominous is the moon, a soft porcelain glow touching my closed eyes.
    As I slowly creep back to reality, "You can take your seatbelt off now. The plane has landed." Says the flight attendant.




    Submitted on 2005-07-21 12:53:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was cool...for some reason although I...ok fess up I DO want to do some [censored] and if I knew where to get it around here I would...there aren't alot of ppl around and also I sortof want to wait till summer but there aren't that many ppl around here but ok back to ur write...this was amazing and I loved it...hehe a plane..haha that's [censored] awesome...This had alot of talent.^
    | Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm for some reason I didn't like the way it was written order wise. I kept wanting to make it a poem and it felt like an essay or the beginning to a story. Don't try to make a story a poem someone once told me the difference between a poem song and a story can be clearly seen in a true writing piece. Although it has magnificent imagery no doubt it feels like a story. Perhaps you could make it one!
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by winterdove | [ Reply to This ]
      u know whats funny...i remember my trips on airplanes to be cramped and musty. this was a pretty good piece although in the beginning it was a little hard to read. idk i think because the words are bunched up on lines 3 and 4. if u space them out a little, this would be a really cool write.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by bluecrane | [ Reply to This ]
      this was good the images make this thought i write in stansas others write their thoughts long form either way is good well done
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      this was ok. i think it would have been better and easier to read if you put this in shorter sentences/phrases. it just makes it easier to read and follow and usually gives it a better flow to the write. this line seemed to stand out to me for some reason...

    "Undefined visions, blurred, undermined, undetermined in my head, seeing sounds and hearing colours, feeling what's unreal?"

    just made it seem interesting. well anyways i think thats it for now..

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]


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