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My Friend


Author: L.i.
ASL Info:    20ish/m/aynu realm
Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 55 /42 /8
Words: 122
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 1495
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 727



Description:


I have written a few poems before this one, but this is the one I consider to be my first. I never considered myself poet until after writing this poem!


My Friend



My friend's parents can only talk
For so long
My friend can be born
For so long
My friend can grow up
For so long
My friend was influenced
For so long
My friend can only take beatings
For so long
My friend did drugs
For so long
I hated my friend's parents
For so long
They influenced him
For so long
They beat him
For so long
They guided him the wrong way
For so long
I tried to help my friend
For so long
But it was too late
I realized my friend could only live
For so long
Well...My friend is dead now...
So Long




Submitted on 2005-07-21 15:53:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Wow

This was one of the most interesting and heartfelt poems I have read

I am sorry for your friend

Know that he is looking down on you pushing you forward in life so you may gain wisdom from the wrongs done to him on Earth

Know you can find piece in knowing evreytime you think of him his memory comes back to life so my friend realize your friend has not died

Take Care
Ron

And thank you for adding my poem to your favorites I am humbled

Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  well this is a good poem, there are no spelling errors and the flow of the poem is there but there is one part that through me off a little and that was when you said "My friend can be born
For so long"
i don't how you can be born for so long that is the only part of the poem that is confusing and it is the only part of the poem that kills the flow, if you wanted to you could take those two lines out and it wouldn't do anything to the poem but help the flow, the only thing that really bothers me about this poem is that in the whole thing you don't have any commas or periods, at all, none, this is one huge run on and those are very bad, you need a coma after every For so long, and then help because then the reader knows to pause and then the fulll meaning of the words will sink in, other then that the poem is fine, and i'd have to say that my favorite lines of the poem would be

"My friend was influenced
For so long"

and i like these so much because it reminds me of my friend and a few things that happened.

~liz~
| Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, i don't mean to be the negative one here, but i didn't really like this too much. Don't get me wrong, it has a good idea behind it, but the whole repetative thing here doesn't really work for me. I got a little bored after a while, reading that same line over and over again...I don't really know how you would fix this problem, except to maybe take similar lines and put them together...i don't know. But this poem didn't reall appeal to me. That is just my opinion though. I wouldn't take it too personally. Well, i am sorry this friend had a rough life and that he died...Anyways, have a nice day...
| Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
  hey...

Like always I'm in a hurry so I can't leave one of my long, strongly ambiguous... barely digestable comments.

The repetitiveness here is what makes the poem stand out. I don't care for it because it makes a poem monotonous. That being said, it makes this piece very distinctive; and it makes the ending that much more clear. Hating to be just like everyone else, I still say that the ending
Well...My friend is dead now...
So Long

maybe mostly because of its bluntness, and somewhat because it makes sense out of the repeating lines.

That situation... it's not really one I identify with literally; the people I deal with die because of reasons more concrete than bad influence and bad parenting. That's not to say it's not a serious issue. When we're young, we look to our parents like they are gods. But as we grow older, realizing that they are only as human as us creates a lot of disappointment.
Some parents aren't parents at all; some parents are monsters.
If you ever get the time, look up Precious Doe if you have never heard of her. Probably just typing the name on Google would get you her story.

That being said -it was a long comment after all and not all of it on your poem itself- I had to stop and comment because this one was very interesting. Seriously, not all poetry is interesting; you don't have to look very hard to find boring poetry even on ES.

~Akhi~
| Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Alize | [ Reply to This ]


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