Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Play Crack the Stephdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: playcrackthesky
    ASL Info:    21/f/IA
    Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463/457/88
    Words: 191
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1215



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlay Crack the Stephdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wouldnít you like to play Crack The Steph?

    I know how you break my heart
    By loving this part of me

    Caressing the outrageous strands
    That make up my wounds

    Cry out? For me?

    Let me drip my heart out
    Then punch the tears from my eyes

    Iíll pull the frog from your throat
    While you twist my insides

    Letís go ahead and play this game
    You insist on never giving up

    See which buttons turn me on
    And how many turn me away

    Maybe youíd like to unbutton me
    So my heart slips from my shirt

    Wouldnít you like to see what happens?

    Iím cracking up inside
    From your treacherous touches

    I canít stop myself now
    Thereís no one to heal me inside

    And youíll continue
    To love me your way

    How can it hurt so much
    To peel away from you?

    But burn so hot
    To touch this part of you

    Iíll keep playing your game
    thatís killing me slowly

    Because I donít know anything else
    I donít know anyone else.




    Submitted on 2005-07-21 18:44:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      damn this was kinda crazy. I liked it, but thats one hell of a way to feel. But I guess i've felt it before, not in the same way, but loving something that isn't really good for you, now that I say that...way too many times have I done that. way too many...I know you write this a while ago, so I hope that you're doing going through this right now, because you're steph, and that wouldn't be cool at all. anyway, take care and I really enjoyed this one, made me think about [censored] for sure.

    Brent
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say that I like the first version better. I wish I could say exactly why, maybe because it's simpler. I do like the end of this more. I think maybe you could rephrase "that's killing me slowly" but the previous line and the last two lines are great. Okay now that I've re-read, the lines you added to the beginning are growing on me. "Caressing the outrageous strands" is the line i'm still not sure about. Why "outrageous"? Maybe you could explain the piece to me. ps just as someone else mentioned I'm curious about your name also.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. Very honest and emotional and sounds to me like some kind of abusive relationship. I could be wrong but that is the impression I got from reading this. I just wonder why you would stay. Some relationships can be so rough and some people seem to enjoy being insensitive. I dont know why, just the way it is I guess. I try to pin point them right away and then stay the hell away from them. I do like how you wrote this one. Very nicely written and expressed. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Great Read Line By line it all just came together good use of metaphors
    And grammer Overall a Good read glad I had the chance to Enjoy it .By the way Iím
    No Talent Check out some of my work sometime aight.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by No Talent | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...sounds like one of those "well dont really like this, but aint wanting to find something/someone better" feelings, ya know?

    And youíll continue
    To love me your way

    Powerful...I bet you could base a whole poem/write/song off of those words. They have such strength to them.

    Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      chic... i dont understand why more attention isnt being paid to your work... seriously...
    you write about real things that everyone can identify with and you avoid the whole clichť "you broke my heart i hate you" groove most 15 yr olds find themselves in... you really are something else...

    crack the steph aint a game i think i would be into i dont think... the sarcasm in the first line bites the reader hard... right from the outset youve shown what your getting at... theres no beating round the bush your right upfront and its almost like a challenge really...

    your write is very full of images that break me... i hate the idea of you hurting coz your such a beautiful girl and you deserve better...
    the end... the settling for the game coz you dont know anything/anyone else... that kills me... honestly... no matter how much this person you aimed it at means to you you cannot stay in this relationship... in this game... it is chipping away at your self esteem and its gonna leave you with nothing chikky and then you wont be able to meet new ppl...

    See which buttons turn me on
    And how many turn me away

    these lines fascinated me... they really did... turn you on/turn you away... dunno... very original presentation of the button theory...

    you be taking care of you chic... i think its time to change the rules of the game... even the name...
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    67485

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fasade written by jackz
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Giving written by jjd
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    untitled written by Chelebel
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry