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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Still Life In Motiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 883



    Description:
       This was based on a conversation I had with my wife as she prepared for work. She has always commented that we're together till death, as long as she dies first.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStill Life In Motiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    As she prepares for work
    the room becomes my wife:
    sfumato, muted, elegant
    soft hope in unclouded eyes
    not even words
    invade her world
    just the soft whisper
    as the brush hushed
    tangles from unruly hair
    "Is there a safe place
    in the world for us?"
    she wonders as the
    wonders rise,
    the scent of oils and perfumes
    dancing to mute lullabies

    "Somewhere else, not here,"
    I think. I wish we were
    the same, the same surprise
    caressed with newness
    these frail bones
    each day absolved us
    of goodbye.
    "Till death part us, but
    I die first." She laughs
    a sad laugh as a sober eye
    toasts life
    with loves
    indifference;
    assured as an angel
    in a perfect sky




    Submitted on 2005-07-21 21:11:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i liked the lack of detail. sometimes less is more. the wording was nice. it was like there were questions in my mind after i read this though. but that just complements it i guess.

    try to straighten things out though for the benefit of your readers.

    keep on writing
    kataclysmic
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by kataclysmic | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm... I really don't know what to say... good I suppose... I just don't understand the message I guess...
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by kriley6497 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way this reads. I can draw a couple of meanings from it.. though they may not be what you had in mind while writing it.

    At first read, I thought of the author sitting and watching his wife get ready for work... words softly spoken between the two without breaking the silence.. as if you could read her mind, and her yours.
    Or... maybe these are your thoughts now of a time back when...and she is now gone. You recall her motions, her perfume and her aura as she used to be while preparing for work. You can still hear that soft laugh as she says, "Till death part us, but I die first." - bittersweet.

    As I said, I could be mistaken of the meaning..but the write itself intriqued me.

    Take care,
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


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