[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Still Life In Motiondots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 883

       This was based on a conversation I had with my wife as she prepared for work. She has always commented that we're together till death, as long as she dies first.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStill Life In Motiondots

    As she prepares for work
    the room becomes my wife:
    sfumato, muted, elegant
    soft hope in unclouded eyes
    not even words
    invade her world
    just the soft whisper
    as the brush hushed
    tangles from unruly hair
    "Is there a safe place
    in the world for us?"
    she wonders as the
    wonders rise,
    the scent of oils and perfumes
    dancing to mute lullabies

    "Somewhere else, not here,"
    I think. I wish we were
    the same, the same surprise
    caressed with newness
    these frail bones
    each day absolved us
    of goodbye.
    "Till death part us, but
    I die first." She laughs
    a sad laugh as a sober eye
    toasts life
    with loves
    assured as an angel
    in a perfect sky

    Submitted on 2005-07-21 21:11:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i liked the lack of detail. sometimes less is more. the wording was nice. it was like there were questions in my mind after i read this though. but that just complements it i guess.

    try to straighten things out though for the benefit of your readers.

    keep on writing
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by kataclysmic | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm... I really don't know what to say... good I suppose... I just don't understand the message I guess...
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by kriley6497 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way this reads. I can draw a couple of meanings from it.. though they may not be what you had in mind while writing it.

    At first read, I thought of the author sitting and watching his wife get ready for work... words softly spoken between the two without breaking the silence.. as if you could read her mind, and her yours.
    Or... maybe these are your thoughts now of a time back when...and she is now gone. You recall her motions, her perfume and her aura as she used to be while preparing for work. You can still hear that soft laugh as she says, "Till death part us, but I die first." - bittersweet.

    As I said, I could be mistaken of the meaning..but the write itself intriqued me.

    Take care,
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    To written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The Promise written by annie0888
    This written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]