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    dots Submission Name: Fallen:hit the floor:dots

    Author: bluesoxz
    ASL Info:    16fohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 71/101/38
    Words: 400
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2270


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallen:hit the floor:dots

    The teriorty of unkown
    I rome through..Not
    knowing where im going
    Not really careing.
    What I want you to feel
    Has rotten through me.
    What I want you to seek
    Has killed me.

    The smell of blood seeps
    in my skin makeing me
    Walk with a scent letting
    Everyone know im out
    For the kill.This dirt I
    Eat is the dirt you wear.
    So lost but still breathing.

    As the noise fades I come
    in touch of what's liveing
    Inside.Such a danger
    Such a threat but I have
    no attempt to make it
    Go away.

    You dig your nails in
    my soul and I mange
    To bare with the pain.
    Crying but my tears
    Burn me within.
    Holding them in but
    It slowly brakes me
    Down..Letting them
    out but I hurt others.

    I need you to know
    Im dying from withdraw.
    Im shaking from the
    Im puking from the
    Low self-esteem.
    So close your eyes
    And blank as I bleed.
    ill go down in history
    With a blade and a piece
    Of paper saying im free.

    My sprits are low and
    My frown hangs high
    Just like this smile I
    put on with a sigh.
    The hole thickens within
    my heart
    The smile gets bigger
    With the evil.

    Stuck in this tunnel
    of death and there
    is no light to see
    The end. your shadow
    Bares over me Like
    A killer looking for his
    Next victim..Your breathe
    Breathing down my neck
    Like a Creature getting
    Ready to attack..
    Your smell kills oh yes
    It does and your touch
    God its to harsh to say.

    Anyone who understands
    The nightmares I dream?
    Anyone who understands
    The screams that are made?
    Not a single person knows
    How I long for understanding.

    Deeper within my dead soul
    And no one is standing at
    The bottom to catch me
    As I hit the floor.

    Submitted on 2005-07-21 23:28:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this would make a good song, because I like the flow and rythme very much. It's nice how you used the occasional "dead soul" and suicide reference without making it seem boring stereotypical angst. Nice work
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by Dr. Revenant | [ Reply to This ]
      Amber, if this was a song I could see you singing this rocking the stage. And it would be a cool video as well. Nice job. I liked the flow. And the imagery was brilliant. I liked this alot.
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      damn that was dark but yet it shows a truth that was hidden in a soul. and dont worry it wasnt too long, there wasnt any useless words or thoughts in it. anything cut out would be taking away from what you were trying to express. if somebody thinks its to long then they didnt understand it and was getting bored with it good job i enjoyed it the whole time i was reading
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]
    And moving. But too long.
    Thats just my personal opinion. I mean, I took the time to read it through but lots of people wont. Its a great write though, but so dark.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by words_can_heal | [ Reply to This ]

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