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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Wish...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raven_s Miser
    ASL Info:    16-female- wap
    Elite Ratio:    4.64 - 68/54/18
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 813
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 759



    Description:
       Just lookin for some publisity i guess this one i wrote after jared dumped me and i still need to know that he is never commin back and i hope he never does.
    but joust do as you wish with it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wish...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh how i whish you would return
    And wipe the tears from my eyes.
    You'd tell me things would be just fine
    As you held me in your arms.
    To dream sweet dreams of better times.
    Just like you did before.
    And with the morning light
    You would wake me with a kiss.
    Amd whisper how you wish this moment lasted forever.
    But I know within my heart that day may never Return for you had to go you had no choice.
    My first taste of love so, bitter sweet.

    And quick to leave a a tough lesson learned.

    Somehow I know when you whispered those Words that early summer's morn, you meant Every word.

    And that you would say them again given the chance.




    Submitted on 2005-07-22 09:50:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well this was an honest piece. I would like to point out your typos though, first line whish...and line nine the word amd...

    This post was a tad bit hard on the reader you seem to jump from past tense to present too much...ex:"Oh how i whish you would return
    And wipe the tears from my eyes.
    You'd tell me things would be just fine
    As you held me in your arms."

    I think it would read better if you just changed some words around "Oh how i wish you would return to wipe the tears from my eyes. Tell me everything will be just fine as you hold me in your arms."

    I'm not sure if you intend to revise this or not so I will only critique on that portion of the post.

    You know...the easiest thing is loving and the hardest is letting go...much of luck to you for that process...(yes it is a process)

    be blessed
    T
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Samm I like this a lot. I'm just wonderin who is this abt? But I do like it. Keep it up girl. U will be a good writer. In fact u r a good writer already. I guess I like all ur writings but their good thats y. Talk to u later. Bye. Ur friend Andrew.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by ajjax1705 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a fine piece of a first love lost, but I felt it could be expanded on and played with. It's good, but it's not as great as it could be.
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]


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