[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Thisdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714

       I've got nothing. Just tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    This thought is just an itch to be scratched,
    A song that had to be played.
    And now all I can do is step back
    And lie in the bed that we made.
    This need was just a heart to be broken,
    A dance that had to end.
    I had you once, and it was incredible.
    Now you say that I'm your friend.
    This time was just a jewel to be stolen,
    A bird that flies away.
    I loved, I was happy, now everything is shattered.
    I don't think there's any more to say.
    This love was just a story to be written,
    A lesson that had to be learned.
    You and I are fire that will not die,
    But when you play with fire, you get burned.

    Submitted on 2005-07-22 10:39:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was excellent, Ravin! The rhyme scheme and structure was good, and you told a familiar, heartbreaking story with flair and style!! Bravo!
    | Posted on 2007-09-09 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow I haven't heard this one...I like it...and I think he would like it too...have you read it to him?? I think you should for some reason...I dunno maybies I could be wrong.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Are you reading my diary or what?! I can seriously relate to this poem. I loved it very much. Great flow, nicely written. To the point. I just loved it. Maybe because I'm so close to the subject, anyways, this is good work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      wow deep, i really like the way it ended....i like the words you chose etc....its a good topic...its cute....love it....great job
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by anita_89 | [ Reply to This ]
      I newer got to say thanks for commenting one of my poems. I red a few of yours nd this one I loved the most. Mostly your poems are descriptive and I have problem connecting and feeling what you feel. But this one is different. I think you made a step forward by using metaphors ( I loved them very much).
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]