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    dots Submission Name: Thisdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 570
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714

       I've got nothing. Just tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    This thought is just an itch to be scratched,
    A song that had to be played.
    And now all I can do is step back
    And lie in the bed that we made.
    This need was just a heart to be broken,
    A dance that had to end.
    I had you once, and it was incredible.
    Now you say that I'm your friend.
    This time was just a jewel to be stolen,
    A bird that flies away.
    I loved, I was happy, now everything is shattered.
    I don't think there's any more to say.
    This love was just a story to be written,
    A lesson that had to be learned.
    You and I are fire that will not die,
    But when you play with fire, you get burned.

    Submitted on 2005-07-22 10:39:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was excellent, Ravin! The rhyme scheme and structure was good, and you told a familiar, heartbreaking story with flair and style!! Bravo!
    | Posted on 2007-09-09 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow I haven't heard this one...I like it...and I think he would like it too...have you read it to him?? I think you should for some reason...I dunno maybies I could be wrong.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Are you reading my diary or what?! I can seriously relate to this poem. I loved it very much. Great flow, nicely written. To the point. I just loved it. Maybe because I'm so close to the subject, anyways, this is good work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      wow deep, i really like the way it ended....i like the words you chose etc....its a good topic...its cute....love it....great job
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by anita_89 | [ Reply to This ]
      I newer got to say thanks for commenting one of my poems. I red a few of yours nd this one I loved the most. Mostly your poems are descriptive and I have problem connecting and feeling what you feel. But this one is different. I think you made a step forward by using metaphors ( I loved them very much).
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]

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