Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A soldierdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 244
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1435



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA soldierdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A soldier fights in a war for oil
    he dies
    his family gets some money
    but that don't bring back the loved ones
    that died in a war for oil.
    While we already have are own problems
    on are own soil.
    This soldier gets stabbed in the back
    He starts to get cold
    he runs out of breath.
    They try there best
    but now he lays there and rests
    with the look of failure in his eyes.
    Only thing he imagine before he dies is his family crying and his kids asking where daddy.
    His family gets some money from the government
    but that will never bring back
    the father and the lover and the friend that they once had.

    A soldier fights in a war for oil
    He dies
    this family cries
    they couldn't say even say bye
    to the father, the lover and the friend.
    They once had.

    This family get so sad
    they can't grab what they once had
    the father, the lover and the friend is now above them high in the cloud watching over them
    These boys start to act bad
    all they want is there dad.


    A soldier fights in a war for oil
    He dies
    for a government that pays money for a life that was lost in the war for oil.
    But it will never be enough to
    bring pack the
    the father, the lover, and the friend.




    Submitted on 2005-07-22 11:38:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this...thank you for asking me to check it out. My fav stanza is:

    This family get so sad
    they can't grab what they once had
    the father, the lover and the friend is now above them high in the cloud watching over them
    These boys start to act bad
    all they want is there dad.

    I really like how you way you put "the father and the lover and the friend that they once had." through out the poem, it really brought out the point on who and what was lost.

    A great piece. Thank you for sharing :)

    Peace.
    JavaJunkie (Amy)

    | Posted on 2007-01-21 00:00:00 | by javajunkie | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this poem ssssssssooooooooo much it expresses everything i try to tell people who are so pro- Bush/pro-war. You cant just pay someone for a life. I mean just imagine... you could be destoying so many people... so many futures. I mean what if the man had a son that was going to grow up and find the cure for the common cold or cancer or something, but when his dad died he went into serious depression and got involved in the drug game and OD'ed or somethin. I mean you only get one life and the goverment thinks they have the right to put a price on it. So... anywayz I loved your poem.

    Drea
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
      it is a pretty impressive to see young poets getting to grips with this serious stuff. Liz has probably said exactly what I would say both technically in terms of form and in terms of content. I wonder if you have personally experienced this? It is a very raw feeling indeed and you have got stuck in well to try to show you understand it. after all its your generation that will have to sort it all out . good luck.
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
      the soldiers of todays army are nothing more than bushs pawns, that is not a slur about the military its a slur towards are "fine" president. its sad that good people swear to protect us and the freedoms that we have and then they are used to make his wallet fatter, typical typical bush
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]
      well this ia a long poem but that is good,there are a few spelling errors but those are easy fixes, there is a flow to the poem but it gets a little choppy in the middle and then you fix it in the end, rewording might help with that, and there is a lot of emotions that come through this piece, you feel a lot of anger because this person has died and you couldn't say good bye to them they are just gone and that sucks, you also feel a lot of saddness, i think the war that we are in is kind of stupid too, it is mostly about oil but remember when we first went it was for weapons, there is none and now we are helping the people and they really do need it, and many of them don't want it, anyway i'd have to say that my favorite stanzas would be

    "A soldier fights in a war for oil
    He dies
    this family cries
    they couldn't say even say bye
    to the father, the lover and the friend.
    They once had.

    This family get so sad
    they can't grab what they once had
    the father, the lover and the friend is now above them high in the cloud watching over them
    These boys start to act bad
    all they want is there dad."

    and i like these so much because of what they say it sucks when someone dies and it hurts even more when you couldn't say good bye to that person.

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    67572

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry