Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Soldierdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: seven11
    ASL Info:    17/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.46 - 183/162/34
    Words: 244
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1435



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSoldierdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A soldier fights in a war for oil
    he dies
    his family gets some money
    but that don't bring back the loved ones
    that died in a war for oil.
    While we already have are own problems
    on are own soil.
    This soldier gets stabbed in the back
    He starts to get cold
    he runs out of breath.
    They try there best
    but now he lays there and rests
    with the look of failure in his eyes.
    Only thing he imagine before he dies is his family crying and his kids asking where daddy.
    His family gets some money from the government
    but that will never bring back
    the father and the lover and the friend that they once had.

    A soldier fights in a war for oil
    He dies
    this family cries
    they couldn't say even say bye
    to the father, the lover and the friend.
    They once had.

    This family get so sad
    they can't grab what they once had
    the father, the lover and the friend is now above them high in the cloud watching over them
    These boys start to act bad
    all they want is there dad.


    A soldier fights in a war for oil
    He dies
    for a government that pays money for a life that was lost in the war for oil.
    But it will never be enough to
    bring pack the
    the father, the lover, and the friend.




    Submitted on 2005-07-22 11:42:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      thanks, not only for the poem, but for the political view. I'm glad someone thinks the same way I do about the war. but, anyway, to the poem. the poem was a little repetitive, and you couldn't seem to decide whether you wanted to rhyme, or not. other than that, however this was a great work. Despite the bit of criticism, i enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very powerful and i know what it's like to have father in a war my dad was in desert storm.but this was one of the most powerful yo have written and it speaks out loud and clear.great job
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by endmypain | [ Reply to This ]
      Very repetitive. That kind of takes away from the poem. There's nothing wrong with restating your topic, but go a little easier next time. I think the idea behind it was very well thought of, and could be written very well. I must add however, that your grammar lacks a little. This disrupts the flow of the poem. Good work inspite of it!

    Alley-Kat <3
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Dark Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      it was a little wordy but it was deep
    i liked it
    i am going to join the marines when i turn 18 and it makes me think
    if i die it will only hert me for a second bet it will hert my family for a long time
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Dark Romeo89 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very moving you cover centuries of lives lost and your write the families get a cheque for the loss of a loved one i do believe in war but i think the politicians should put there tonges away and take the weapons they give us and run to fight the war they started instead of being protected underground
    great post
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      yo that was pretty good. the title caught my attention and i'm glad i read it. the repition helped the message and the flow helped make this a great read.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      Very powerful! A very deep topic as well to write about. And you did it. Nice flow. I could picture the whole thing as if I'm watching a movie of it happen. It's a tragic thing to lose someone, especially if they are far away. And you captured that. this was good.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    67573

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry