[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Walk Through Angerdots

    Author: death_sgaze
    Elite Ratio:    2.04 - 1/2/1
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 844
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 609

       This is something i wrote when i was angry, please gie me all the advice you can

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Walk Through Angerdots

    You Feel it
    pumping all through your body
    pushing and driving

    Your hands
    clenched in iron fists
    crimson blood rushing through your body

    And then....
    It happens
    The anger slips away
    and a rage takes its place

    fists fly
    with the fury of a storm
    The screams
    the screams of pain

    you fall to the floor
    a person dead
    you rage
    the murderer

    A smile, spreads across your face
    as you slip in the dark abyss of hell

    Submitted on 2005-07-22 11:53:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      well hmmn...i like your thoughts...but i have to agree with fo...there are defently more orignal ways to describe some of the things in here...but...there are some really good parts in here also...i think with a little rewording...here and there...it will be even better...purps
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      Try to think of more original ways of describing. If you've heard something many times before (eg. iron fists, crimson blood, fists fly, fury of a storm) then it's best to describe it a different way. This of course is no easy task, but that of course is the challenge behind writing truly original work.
    I like the title. It's very fitting.
    Anger slips away and rage takes its place- it's got a nice ring to it. Flows off the tongue well. Directly worded, easy to understand and to the point. (To me, that's a good thing).
    I think this poem is still quite workable. Just go over spots here and there to come up with wording or descriptions that are original or at least, not as vastly used.
    I hope this was helpful. Welcome to the site. Don't be discouraged if it takes awhile for people to comment on your work. I think it's because it's summertime. Usually it doesn't take as long.
    | Posted on 2005-07-22 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]