well hmmn...i like your thoughts...but i have to agree with fo...there are defently more orignal ways to describe some of the things in here...but...there are some really good parts in here also...i think with a little rewording...here and there...it will be even better...purps
Try to think of more original ways of describing. If you've heard something many times before (eg. iron fists, crimson blood, fists fly, fury of a storm) then it's best to describe it a different way. This of course is no easy task, but that of course is the challenge behind writing truly original work. I like the title. It's very fitting. Anger slips away and rage takes its place- it's got a nice ring to it. Flows off the tongue well. Directly worded, easy to understand and to the point. (To me, that's a good thing). I think this poem is still quite workable. Just go over spots here and there to come up with wording or descriptions that are original or at least, not as vastly used. I hope this was helpful. Welcome to the site. Don't be discouraged if it takes awhile for people to comment on your work. I think it's because it's summertime. Usually it doesn't take as long.