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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: CONSTRUCTIONdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1106
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 349



    Description:
       i need feed back please , i am new and feeling intimidated every one is so good thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCONSTRUCTIONdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A split path , a history of sunsets , orange and red ,the sands of the mind , a car passes then passes again ,Ive been here, id swear it .she was with me no, I was alone , and drunk. Wipe the dirt from my eyes brush off my pants .whered I leave my keys ? Did I walk? A car passes stereo blasting .its morning, Im mourning. I wish it would rain




    Submitted on 2005-07-22 20:55:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I loves the images you helped me create. It was so real. It seems like you're very dissoriented. I like the part:

    A split path , a history of sunsets , orange and red ,the sands of the mind

    It makes everyone get a unique picture in their mind. It really sets the mood for the rest of the piece. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Angel, This is another very vivid strikingly creative poem, but again there is an obscurity to your poems that leaves me at once curious and at the same time frustrated. To me it's an abstract painting as opposed to an impressionistic one. I notice that your poems get too few comments and it may be for this reason. No doubt you have talent and these works are good, but be a bit more forthcoming in giving the reader a bit more to go on.

    As in "Empty Bedroom" Ibelieve the formatting is all wrong and makes the work seem even more dense.

    I wouldn't spend this much time if I didn't respect your work! I hope you know that.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      This was definetely an image filled poem. I love that it's out there but you still understand it. (hope that made sence) It's in different parts but still all comes together. That lost feeling of am I here or where am I? I hope Im coming from the right place with this. Anyways, I loved it! I especially liked the "Where'd I leave my keys? Did I walk here?" That really hit me. Again.. Great job. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
    ~Manda~
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by manderz_1207 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem was very vivd with images, but it's meaning was not defined to the reader. It was hard to follow, because I wondered, how the title and the poem fit? I could not tell what was really going on here. I love the fact you are good with words, you paint vivid pictures with your poems...now just connect the dots. Give the reader more info to work with, and you will become every bit of the writer I see in you. Nice work.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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