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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oh wont my skin burn for you?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: reveries
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 54/74/23
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 680
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 987



    Description:
       umm.....feedback please....and enjoy!!!!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOh wont my skin burn for you?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    ometimes.....when I'm alone I get this feeling like I cant breathe and it hurts so much and I wanna cry and beat my head into the fucking wall.....I'm so afraid of being alone....

    It hurts

    sometimes....when I see fire I think about what it would feel like to have it become me...and I wanna dance like I've got good news but my skin does not turn to ashes.....it just blisters...

    It hurts

    sometimes.....when I touch myself....I think of you....and the hours of nothingness we could have had together and I realize that one plus one should equal ONE.....not three when you're only 14... 15, 16, 17

    18
    days before I'm free....18 days until the chains that first tied me down will finally break.....

    sometimes....when I'm alone I get this feeling like I can do anything and it feels so good and I want to sing and beat my fists.....because

    It hurts




    Submitted on 2005-07-23 01:07:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is being added to my favorites. ive shared a similar feeling as you have decribed. the repition of it hurts really added to what you were trying to say .this was extremely powerful, well written, and unique. wouldn really change anything worth mentioning- nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! This was quite a poem. I liked the imagery you used. I love the way you explained WHAT hurts you. Although, I had trouble seeing why? Maybe I'm to sleepy to think deep. lol. This was good. I liked the flow. Good wiritng.
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      heeey! looks like we're having the same kind of week. there's a lot goin on there. and being alone is the worst thing ever. especially when it's against your will. the thing about this piece isn't the structure or the "flow". it's the brutal honesty. a lot of people don't like to be so honest. they do their best to hide their real feelings behind their creativity. which isn't bad but somewhere the signals get mixed. you let us know how you feel and that's good. that's how it should be. nice.
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]


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