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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hopelessly Yoursdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zu
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 446/379/76
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 912
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1852



    Description:
       refer to the second part of my journal...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHopelessly Yoursdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once in a while we'll sit together and talk
    I'll look at you and you'll look at me
    I put on a mask of pretence
    Because i just don't want to believe...
    This seems like a dream to me but
    You don't know what's going on in my mind
    I wonder what you'll do when i go away
    How we'll make up for all this lost time?

    I've got no hope
    But I can tell you this
    The moments i spent with you
    Were eternal bliss...
    I love you so much
    But I can't tell you
    I'll sit there looking across
    Always hiding the truth..
    I'm sorry... But i'm hopelessly yours...

    When tears started streaming from your eyes
    And you held me close, very tight
    I wanted to freeze time forever
    Sit with you till the morning light...
    I don't want to say goodbye
    And neither do you I know
    But if you just understood
    How i love you so...

    I've got no hope
    But I can tell you this
    The moments i spent with you
    Were eternal bliss...
    I love you so much
    But I can't tell you
    I'll sit there looking across
    Always hiding the truth..
    I'm sorry... But i'm hopelessly yours...

    There's no hope
    I'm going away
    It's a long time, one year
    I'm sorry I'm hopelessly yours...


    I've got no hope
    But I can tell you this
    The moments i spent with you
    Were eternal bliss...
    I love you so much
    But I can't tell you
    I'll sit there looking across
    Always hiding the truth..
    I'm sorry... But i'm hopelessly yours...




    Submitted on 2005-07-23 03:02:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      its not good..its bad...yes...it makes eyes moist...maybe to hundreds u r the most precious but to the one u want...nothing at all..and that feels so [censored]..literally...thats bad...life has stopped but u cant help it...i am not crying but tears fall i can t stop them.....the poem if seen is good wid a little repetition which makes it long....cant write anymore to it
    | Posted on 2006-10-01 00:00:00 | by anna kareinina | [ Reply to This ]
      so i read this over probably five times, and its so full of emotion, some of which i've been feeling for the past year and its killing me. so reading this was hard, but it truely was amazing. sometimes you cant help but love someone. and the way you apologize for being hopelsessly theirs is so sad, and it just reminds me of myself and it just hurts, ya know to have to sit back and not tell them how much you love them. i have a story thats like this poem, i called it hope is a liar, i think i kinda believe in that too. anyways great job here,
    -steph
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this. I really enjoyed the verses, you did a very excellent job with them. They sound powerful and real. The imagery was great.. I think alot of people feel like this in one way or another. The lyrics overall was really good, and in this case it touched someone and made them almost cry.. well thats something huh.. Pretty impressive..

    I wasn't too crazy about the chorus.. I felt that, that needed to be as powerful as the verses.. its good. But coming for the verses I know it can be more powerful.. but I liked where you put etenal bliss. Creative

    I enjoyed these..
    Hope ya keep at this

    Stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      At first glance, this just seemed to be an extended version of your journal, but on the second read through, I almost cried, seriously. I don't know how the words would be sung, different from your normal, but the words on their own are so emotional that I don't think music is necessary here. The only parts I didn't like as much were when you mentioned "love" because it sounded too 80's, lol, but still, an emotional write that you should be very proud of. And good luck with wherever go in life from here...

    Respecting you as always...
    -James
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      hey zu
    well i have to say its a good poem song coz it worked for the purpose u wrote it
    well dun zu hope u write more stuff like this
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by Gautam | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, at first I didnt like this, but I could tell it was very personal to you so I went back and read and saw how very much I missed and it moved up several notches in my approval. (Phew, lone run-on sentence).

    Anyway, I can completely understand the feeling behind this because I'm in the same situation. Except I'm the girl with the boyfriend, and my other(i sound like a player:O/) guy isnt going away. So I guess its a bit different, but this piece did strike true to my heart.

    I have to say the chorus was the best part of this piece. I could hear that more clearly then any other stanza. Good rhyme and nice word choice there. I think if anything your first stanza was jsut a bit cliché, but not too much.

    See I'm notpicking now, that means I cant find anything to say bad about this piece:OP

    Great write Zu! And when are you coming to the states and to WHICH state? Huh? I hope its Maryland;O)

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]


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