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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Silent Tear...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Yousef
    ASL Info:    26/M/Egypt
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 468/203/22
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1053
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 719



    Description:
       Dedicated to the souls of those who died on the 23rd of July 2005 in Sharm El Sheikh.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Silent Tear...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    A silent tear
    For those who died for no reason
    A silent tear
    For those victims of treason

    A silent tear
    For those committed such a faithless crime
    A silent tear
    For those who died at their prime

    A silent tear
    I cry within
    A silent tear
    For the world we live in

    A silent tear
    For that child who was born today
    A silent tear
    If his future starts this way

    I'm crying,
    For those who live in fear
    I'm crying,
    For this world;
    A silent tear

    Yousef Hani




    Submitted on 2005-07-23 03:52:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was pretty good. I really like the message here, it sounded real genuine. Touching in a sense.

    Keep it up
    Take care
    Later
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very powerful piece...It envoked feelings of remorse in me..I believe that there's always going to be that part of us that cries with the victims of such horrific ordeals and there's no way we can just ignore it as though we dont care..I was very touched by this write. It makes one realize how fortunate we are to live in certain places..Moreover, it is not right to assume that things are fine when they are not in some parts of the world, but it goes with the actual goal that fosters that kind of thinking..Apart from me trying to sound vague...This was a beautifully crafted piece..Very moving..Be happy!Nobantu
    | Posted on 2005-09-01 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is nicely written, but to be honest, it seems a bit light. It might just be my anti-rhyming bias creeping out, but the rhyming structure almost gives it a sing-song feel.

    Maybe it's the overuse of the word tear in world of poetry in general. Maybe it's the rhymes. Maybe I just know to many yuppies who cry a single tear and then figure the problem's solved. While I like the sentiment and I think everybody agrees with your feelings here, the poem just feels a little safe.

    Then again, maybe I'm just jaded with too much media coverage of atrocities.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I have a particular problem with the word "tear" in poetry, because it's been so overdone and put to infinite uses and a poem built upon such a foundation really is a cliché on top of clichés.

    I'm left a bit flat by this if only because it could be shown better and the reader is told everything like a commandment, rather than led to it and able to engage with it and interact. This isn't that kind of poem, and really, there's no wealth of detail here to help me feel what you feel and take the ride with you.

    Normally, I'd skip past commenting on a poem like this because I don't like to leave negative comments without anything positive to share, but I owed you a couple and so why not, eh?

    Best of luck to you and I'll be back to check out a couple more when I have more time.

    Peace.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Yousef,
    This is a beautiful piece. Saddens me so. The useless killings going on in today's world. Innocent children exposed to the dangers of terror. You sum it up so right! A silent tear, I wish everyone could understand why the tear is shed. Some don't. You take care, be safe, wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very good write, nothing very extraodinary, but simple, and that's what good about it. everybody should shed a silent tear. this violence in the world has to stop. the world needs to understand.

    till then the poor souls who died in Sharm El Sheikh, rest in peace. we need to educate more people about this. thank you for writing this....

    Zu
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      Very moving, If more of us would cry perhaps we could move those that cause the tears to change the things they do.

    I am touched by it.

    The world needs to hear this message.

    This is a good write but it takes me to a place of sadness so rather than complimenting you, I hope you will accept a simple thank you.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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