Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Twisted Emotion dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1015
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 858



    Description:
       MY VERY BESY FEIND WROTE THIS Jay Mali he has alaways had a way of touching me with his writieng he is a lil rusty and has not written anything in some time so when he wrote this i thought it would be good to get some feed back thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTwisted Emotion dots
    -------------------------------------------


    When we first found each other I felt free and new
    You have laid waist to my newfound peace
    How come my entire heart could not encompass your pain
    When did my strength fall short of the bar
    I cannot give myself again so freely
    You sooth me in my dreams and comfort me in sobriety
    And with your nails dug in and our souls entwined forever
    you left me broken and small
    So……Why cant I hate you
    She who captured my profound attention from the beginning
    Enchanting me with your soft beauty and sincere concern …..I love you
    You have calmed a storm building out of control inside me. I’ve become a man with you
    The void I feel now cannot be filled the cracks and craters will never be made smooth again
    So with all this pain ……is this love
    I never had a choice.




    Submitted on 2005-07-23 18:25:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I get what you're, well he's saying. I mean, it's happened to me too. I think it could give a little more detail, just to make you understand it better. But I think it's beautifully written. Great word usage. I can definately relate.
    | Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this piece, even though I haven't felt that kind of emotion yet, it feels familiar, or something. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. I think that it brings out my empathy. Which is good. Overall, I really liked this piece, and hope to hear more of it.
    Regards Kalinda
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    67740

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry