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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Painterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1185
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 464



    Description:
       Written July 2005.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPainterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Black & gray….
    Paint smeared on my hands.
    I’m a painter……..
    I paint the sky & land.
    Strange & surreal.
    Surrounding these familiar buildings.
    I try to paint your face.
    But it can’t compare to your reality.
    So, I paint bridges with the color black.
    With the color gray I make tiny cracks…
    In the concrete pathways.
    And at some point…
    Your face fades away.




    Submitted on 2005-07-23 18:59:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i am a painter, but i can't seem to paint my way to you...

    everything comes out black, dark, like night with nothing there....it's like painting out the bridges so they disappear...perhaps i don't really want to get to you...perhaps you take me away from myself...and that puts cracks in my concrete demeanor...something i need to survive...

    so i paint you out of my life...and then forget...

    dynamite piece

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there matey :).,........It's been awhile since I had a chance to write/critique and it looks like you posted a sheeeeeeeeeottttttttttt load of stuff. So I've got my work cut out for me don't I? :) I liked this one......It seemed quite personal (obviously) Trying to figure out a way to paint a pic of someone, getting pissed off/frustrated.......so you take the painting a different direction. I'm not much of a pianter (by not much I mean I don't paint :)) So this was interesting to me.
    But it can’t compare to your reality......This line seemed a bit aqward to me, but the rest was grand :)...........alrighty then, on to the next!

    Stw
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      heyo! it's been too long! I just had to read this one, cos you had marked it. Loved it! You seem to be shunning someone from your hard life. You work and work, "painting", trying to make everything seem to you just the way you want it to, so you don't feel uncomfortable. You might feel even safer with black and gray. But you can't change that person. Does it scare you? Is that why you turned your back or just pushed him/her out of your mind? And you go back to painting as though nothing has ever happened, as though your life hadn't been touched or somehow altered by the different life of this specific person.

    I don't know if i got even close, hehe, so correct me if i didn't. It was what I saw or felt at least. Maybe that would apply to me. I loved it! And I still love the way you leave those breaks for breathing with the dots... I myself breathe in deeply at these points.

    Keep up, girl! So happy I got to comment on one of yours again! How's life?

    ttyl! cheers,
    drika
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it a lot, but I don't know if I got what you were trying to say out of it. Duno if you were trying to remember someone but with time you forgot them? That's how I saw it... lol, leave me a message tellin what u meant 'cause I'd love to understand it better. The wording was good and from what I got out of it I liked it... so tell me whatcha meant :-).
    Jeremy
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by shepj | [ Reply to This ]
      OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! ARE WE TRYING TO FORGET ABOUT SOMEONE?

    in other words I am breaking this down not literally but ...well ...ya know- Ok this says that you are ok with painting new picteures so to speak and moving on and creating if you will a new scene that you can be happy with BUT TYOU CAN NEVER DRAW THAT PARTICULAR FACE AGAIN, NO MATTER HOW HARD YA TRY MAYBE EVEN TRACE ---IT'S STILL NOT EVER THE SAME---HOWZ THAT?
    LAMEMANSTERMS,< LOVED IT>
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      I try to paint your face.
    But it can’t compare to your reality.

    I like this part, its my favorite because it sets the mood for everything else after it. I do wish it was longer and more detailed though. It seems vague if deep
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by WandWielder | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa!
    The voice turns away from the love he feels he cannot deserve to hide in the dark sterile world he feels safe in.
    He buries himself in his brooding (not on his love, but on his work, his obsession and comfort) until he is troubled no more by his sense of loss and loneliness.
    Reminds me of Stephen Crane's "In the Desert." (If you haven't yet, READ IT. A triumph of speaking through images.
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Rokhal | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a certain gap here that you managed to create while going about your business in writing something that seems to me an effort of some serious metaphors. Metaphor...it's an ingredient that could really make a poem shine if used wisely and appropriately. This may only be due to my dense state at the moment, but I really can't comprehend what is truly..truly being said here. You are painting the earth, basically and well beyond it with colors that are not so pleasing. In being a painter you have control over which subjects should come alive in bright colors or which should perish as night does every sunset. However, your [seeming] control over nature could never heighten enough for you to grace the features of this someone.
    I would have to say though, that even though I was mostly lost here, the last verse is rather soothing- in a strange way. I was left wondering whether the painter preferred the face to stay..or otherwise.
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Omg, I love this! Woot, this rocks. The best part for me was the ending, "And at some point.../Your face fades away", that's the best, and I think it's because now you didn't have to draw her face, because it was fading away. I love this, it's so real. It's also because I love art, but that's beside the point. I think this it a really good poem, and the ending was just lovely. I also love when you said you painted the sky and the land. Anyhow, this was an amazing write.
    Peace and love,
    Aya
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot...it is deep...short and sweet.

    I dont know if I really got the full meaning of it.
    It sort of seemed that you were okay with painting other things..that you really wanted to forget the face...but then you seemed like you regreted it...because you could never capture the beauty of the face...you couldnt draw it cause no matter what it would never be as beautiful..and as a result you forgot the face...the beauty and all...
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]


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