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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *xXxPromises, PromisesxXx*dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rocknpoetrychik
    ASL Info:    20/Female/Someplace
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 331/281/44
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 371
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 565



    Description:
       all i can say is.. it hurts


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*xXxPromises, PromisesxXx*dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Vile fluid,
    Rising to silence my screams,
    Bile created from suppression,
    Feel,
    Don't Feel,
    Touch,
    Keep away!
    Help me! End me!
    Can you take me?
    Promises, Promises,
    Say you would never hurt me,
    LIAR!
    My body was yours, as was my heart,
    You left me alone,
    Pushed away,
    Dark!
    Light escapes me,
    Tending to new haunts,
    Away from reality,
    I speak to the spooks,
    Erasing memory,
    Why did I want to scream?





    Submitted on 2005-07-24 00:01:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is very powerful and full of emotion. having feelings for someone who then does a 180 tends to piss me off too! some people just don't get it. but I try to forgive them just so I can be at peace! nice write, definitely!
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason I tend to like this style of writing more than any other. You kept it short, to the point, and very straightforward in what you felt and didn't feel. The best poems are written because we were hurt or abandoned, and you made it very clear what you felt in that moment. Props to you, it's dark and beautiful all at once. I hope this vent helped you feel better, and I hope it gets better for you personally.
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      Liked the poem a lot from the short choppiness of the words. The good imagery which did bring about feels of anger against the relationship. Once again I have a problem with misunderstanding poems. But at the end to me (( meaning I am most likely wrong )) but it looks like after the break up you're wondering what was to scream about? Since he/she wasn't the one for you? Once again I'm most likely wrong but that is how I felt about the poem. But then again I took the poem a different way to that it was so painful that you ended up pushing those memories out of your mind and resorted to speaking to others? Consoling = spooks? Yourself?

    SOrry for the rambling I just like to see what the poem is about. Very fun to read, glad you shared this.
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by acommoncold | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate to this a lot. I love the style, and the way you just said what you felt, the end made perfect sense to me, I think that with your expression you could do really well, and I think you can do heaps better (and I'm saying that in a good way) coz this is good, but I feel you have a lot of talent to utilise. Explore, enjoy
    Regards Kalinda
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]
      My body was yours, as was my heart,
    You left me alone,
    Pushed away,
    Dark!

    was really good but the ending through me off. im not a fan of this particular poetry but it did make me think of losing a relationship in a different light which i guess is what poetry is about making people think. from what you expressed i can truly see that it does hurt. im sorry for your loss but glad that you were able to express it this well
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]



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