His eyes are the same colour
As chilly glacial waters;
The same colour as
The frigid wetness dancing
In the foam about their ankles.
If they touched the sand-
Liquid; like white chocolate,
Like satin,
It would feel just like
Her hands on His waist:
Just as it should feel,
But more perfect.
The sun has torn
On the jagged horizon,
Spilling warmth into the ocean.
The water ripples in agony
Sending waves soaring,
Shimmering,
Flickering in the air
And smashing over their legs;
They cling to the sand and gasp,
Learning to breathe again,
And recover,
Beginning their dance once more.
His hands find their way
Into Her hair;
Like long strands of chocolate,
It smells of chamomile and seawater
But feels like a kiss between His fingers.
Its only a shade less amazing
Than the kiss between their lips.
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Submission Name: As The Lightening Burns - Pt 1
I think your descriptive abilities are wonderful but I get a little confused by it also. You paint vivid and intoxicating pictures but the story seems to suffer a little for clarity (one of my problems also), there are also some phrases that are a little awkward. The opening section about the foam gets me tangled as does the ending one about a kiss between her lips: now, that really does sound exotic but I'm not sure you were quite going for that...my bad