Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Injustice of Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: magickandie
    Elite Ratio:    4.34 - 190/168/37
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1162



    Description:
       This is about all the poeple I have lost so recently. In December, a close friend, In march my sister and aunt, in October and 2 weeks ago I miscarried. I am not dealing well.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Injustice of Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her sister,
    Her unborn children,
    Her aunt and her friend,
    Death has found them all.
    For so long,
    She tried her best to die.
    Now she wants to live,
    The Grim Reaper takes them,
    From her sight.

    She cries out in pain,
    Shakes her fists in rage,
    All the while,
    Screaming at the Heavens,
    "Why?!
    Why must they die?
    Why must I live?
    Where is the justice?
    This is bullshit!"

    The pain and the rage,
    Are making her sick,
    It slowly poisins her soul,
    Until she can take no more.
    The All Knowing Mother,
    The Wisened Father,
    Wait patiently for her to say,
    "Please, I beg of you,
    Take away this pain!"

    When she looks to them and asks,
    "Where is the justice in death?"
    They simply reply,
    "There is no justice in death.
    Thier lessons are learned,
    As will be yours,
    When you've begun to mourn.
    The rage you carry,
    Will only result in,
    A death far less just."




    Submitted on 2005-07-25 03:27:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hello :)
    This is very deep. I can feel the flowing emotion, the loss, the sadness, anger, confusion.

    I dont have much time to critique, but here is my suggestion.

    change
    -Wait patiently for her to say,
    "Please, I beg of you,
    Take away this pain!"

    To

    -Wait patiently for her to say,
    "Please, I beg of you,
    Take this pain away!"

    That way it rhymes :)

    Blessed be!
    | Posted on 2008-05-06 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Andrea, there aren't many poems written about death nowadays that aren't annoying and emo, like the typical "Take me away, I can't handle the fact that my boyfriend dumped me and my parents grounded me for a day, nobody understands!" You know? YOU, though...have lots of talent. Reading this, I felt so sad, and I just wanted to hug you. It makes so much sense, and the last lines:

    "The rage you carry,
    Will only result in,
    A death far less just."

    That gives me a whole new perspective! I think you did an amazing job, but that's not surprising, because you're an amazing person, and so strong! Keep holding on, because good things are bound to come your way. I hate saying that, because when people say it to me, I'm like, how the hell would you know? I just have a feeling, though...and you deserve happiness. Tons of love <3
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by insipid sky | [ Reply to This ]
      My lovely lady i've been swept into your world and now i'm face to face with death, so now that i'm standing by you please don't feel so alone... cause here we are and here we'll stay... alive... accepting that the dead is dead and there they'll stay... not in injustice but in divine embrace... we are never without dear lady, not if we hold them so dearly within... you've read my poem A Union of Kind... it is that same human spirit that will ensure that nothing will ever break us apart or beat us down, we are divine... and the dead, they are bodyless but no less divine... Just know that when your time comes in all those years, suddenly you will be thrown into the same eternity as everyone else... suddenly those years lost won't seem so long... everything is right in your world dear Magic Lady cause death is so very natural... not meant to break and destroy so much as it is to creat cherished feelings and views on life... Thank you for such a personal poem, i have nothing at all to critique save for a small spelling error in third line down of the third stanza... the word "poison" is a little off... take care lovely lady... i'm sure i'll be talking to you soon... and thank you soooo very much on yer comments of my newest poem... and thank you for the title... i owe you...

    Travis
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
      You get your point across very well. I understand your poem very well. It gives iff a very real feel of Death and the anguish people feel along with it. It's very realistic feeling.
    Georgina
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Raye | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.