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    dots Submission Name: All the Ifs Couldn't Replace Udots

    Author: RedRoseofBlood
    ASL Info:    19/f/outsideyourwindow
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 592/582/135
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1109
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 917

       One of two poems that I wrote last night. I don't know what inspired either of them. O.o

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll the Ifs Couldn't Replace Udots

    I like to watch you sleep
    While you lay so peacefully
    I like to watch you breathe
    While you lay beside me

    The ceaseless rhythm
    Reminds me of our love
    The bond that we share
    Could never be undone

    Somewhere Buried deep inside
    Time subsides
    And sleep leaves me behind
    I just sit and stare at you
    My object of eternal affection

    The drum beats on
    As the clock ticks and tocks
    My heart beats on
    But it has turned to rock

    If I could speak just one more time
    To you, my love
    I would let all the tears go by
    But I must let you linger above

    I'd like to watch you sleep
    While you lay so peacefully
    I'd like to watch you breathe
    But air no longer fills your lungs
    And you no longer lay beside me

    Submitted on 2005-07-25 12:52:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. That is so sad and perfect. The ending couldn't have been better. I really love the way you expressed that. I don't even know what else to say. I can give you nothing but compliments.
    Very beautifully done

    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      This was an extreamely sweet poem! I love it! It reminds me so much of the way I look at and think about certain people in my life.

    You really outdid yourself with this poem!

    I loved the imagery and the flow. You did really well. I loved the word choice too!


    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by DeadValentine | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very sweet. you expressed yourself very well.i don't care about the rythm in this piece.The only thing is that checkign the spelling but i'm probally wrong.othere than that it was good. my fave lines/ stanza

    "I like to watch you sleep
    While you lay so peacefully
    I like to watch you breathe
    While you lay beside me

    The ceaseless rhythm
    Reminds me of our love
    The bond that we share
    Could never be undone"

    well hope to hear from you and keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]
      awww...it was a very sweet poem. i liked the unexpected ending, i defiantly wasnt expecting him to have died...maybe leave but not die. great job. i love the first two stanzas they are so beautiful. great job.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by _Joeysgirl_ | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is truly heart felt. It is true that they rythym isn't the same throughout. However, the change seems to fit.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by BeautifulGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      Very sweet poem! You very clearly spoke what you are feeling! but the rythym of the poem is not there, but i admire that you are not afraid to express your feelings.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]
      OMGOMGOMGOMG. That was even better! <333
    I love your comparisons of heart beats and breaths that are ceasless, like time. Until a person passes away, and the person left behind can only wish to hold the person one more time and to watch them do simple things like breathing and sleeping because they loved them so much.
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by DreamofOrganon | [ Reply to This ]

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