[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the storydots

    Author: maninthemirror
    ASL Info:    17/m/arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 224/318/109
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 530
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 623

       I want to know what you think about it, what should I change and what is really good....I ripped a little bit from Eazy-E but I other than that I like it
    hope you do too

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe storydots

    Now I'm'a sit ya down and tell a lil story
    Straight out the can from the strange category
    there is a bitch, ugly one
    just had her 17th son
    She has the balls look at me, says you might be the one
    I put a friend of mine to her head, its called a gun
    With my AK47 pointed to her dome I says, what is it wrong with you trying to take me home
    she said, since you got money and you look damn good, I thought I'd take you home and fuck the wood
    But you know shanx don't need that bitch,
    So I shot her in the face, and my clothes I had to switch

    Submitted on 2005-07-25 13:14:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      lord have mercy go for it as I slowly Sratch my head easy-E lord give me bob marley or jimmy hendrix you need your head examed
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Very graphic. And very dark. I see that you have a skill for rhymimg and you are good with the flow part. It was your lyrics themselves. For me it was a bit to strong. If you could maybe tone down the anger in it, you will have the real meaning of your rap, you starting a new life and you have a goldigger in your way. This has alot of potential. I liked the theme of the rap. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Live In Between written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The World written by jjd
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]