[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the storydots

    Author: maninthemirror
    ASL Info:    17/m/arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    2.64 - 224/318/109
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 571
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 623

       I want to know what you think about it, what should I change and what is really good....I ripped a little bit from Eazy-E but I other than that I like it
    hope you do too

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe storydots

    Now I'm'a sit ya down and tell a lil story
    Straight out the can from the strange category
    there is a bitch, ugly one
    just had her 17th son
    She has the balls look at me, says you might be the one
    I put a friend of mine to her head, its called a gun
    With my AK47 pointed to her dome I says, what is it wrong with you trying to take me home
    she said, since you got money and you look damn good, I thought I'd take you home and fuck the wood
    But you know shanx don't need that bitch,
    So I shot her in the face, and my clothes I had to switch

    Submitted on 2005-07-25 13:14:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      lord have mercy go for it as I slowly Sratch my head easy-E lord give me bob marley or jimmy hendrix you need your head examed
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Very graphic. And very dark. I see that you have a skill for rhymimg and you are good with the flow part. It was your lyrics themselves. For me it was a bit to strong. If you could maybe tone down the anger in it, you will have the real meaning of your rap, you starting a new life and you have a goldigger in your way. This has alot of potential. I liked the theme of the rap. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    A Drink written by jjd
    Wavelength written by saartha
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Bond written by saartha
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Giving written by jjd
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Commencement written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]