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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Couragedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lost Sheep
    ASL Info:    41 M Vancouver, WA
    Elite Ratio:    6.25 - 913/773/73
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1335
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1333



    Description:
       I got a lot of inspiration while we were at the beach. some of it expected and some of it unusual.

    Early in our week, we stopped at a place reserved for off road vehicle use. This was basically a huge cauldron of hot loose sand with pine trees sticking through it. We hiked a couple of hundred feet and I was already miserable. We were literally a mile from the ocean and it seemed like we were the middle of the Sahara.

    I'm sweating and my mouth is drying out. CJ (9) is enjoying watching the ORV's racing through the sand. I look down at Micah (5) and he's found a plastic soda bottle from somewhere and he's playing, plowing the sand with it. I was struck for the first time in many last week, how trusting he is that everything will always be OK, as long as I'm with him.

    This image suddenly came to my mind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCouragedots
    -------------------------------------------



    The father plays there in the dry sand with his son
    The boy has found a piece of metal
    To him, it’s a car
    A few rocks are mountains
    A flat stone is the roof of his new garage
    He explains that the car needs a garage because it’s so hot out here

    The father looks to his exploring rig
    Once, a state of the art space vessel
    Now, a burning hulk
    The boy’s car will fly farther than his dad’s ship

    He looks at the world around him
    There’s no water in site
    Nothing to eat or drink salvaged
    Six days of scouting from space
    Showed nothing but sand and stone

    The only free water on this rock is a single tear
    For the wife, the mother
    He spared the boy a fiery death
    But there wasn’t time to save two

    She might be better off
    There’s no water, no radio, no chance
    It’s just a matter of time

    The boy, innocently happy, looks to his dad
    “Thanks for playing with me, dad. This is cool”
    “Well, it’s really hot, but you know what I mean”
    "Can we stay here for a long time? It's fun."

    With more courage than he feels, Dad smiles and nods.
    He turns to play with his son






    Submitted on 2005-07-25 16:34:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Well Steve, I alway find myself at a loss for words when trying to comment on your poems. This particular one is one that I can relate to. Mostly because of the description.

    This is probably my favorite part of the write.

    The only free water on this rock is a single tear
    For the wife, the mother
    He spared the boy a fiery death
    But there wasn’t time to save two

    A choice was made not only by the father but by the mother too.

    The future changes and we have the power to make it better for them. We nurture them and they will fly higher and go further than us.

    Wow, Steve I am struggling here to comment.

    This is really good and a metaphoric write of true feelings.

    Yes, I have had that same feeling with my own sons and daughters. Do you want to know what is even better than that?
    When they tell you everything is ok because your are there.

    Well steve I have rambled enough and this has got me thinking real hard about the kids that have already left and the ones who will soon be gone. I alway wish I can be there for them but I know that I must let them move on.

    Later Steve

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Ya know, from the poetry that I read of both you and Chell, I can soooo totally see Micah playing across the street from my house. He is truly an amazing little boy, you can really tell from the pieces that you write.

    Anyway, I enjoyed this piece and my heart also broke at the end. It would be lovely to be absorbed in fantasy play and not realize what's going on around you to forget the tragedies that befall us at certain points. This father has a strength and love beyond anything and it came out in all it's colors at the end. I love reading your work, you always manage to carry me right to the scene where this is all unfolding. Thanks for sharing!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, whenever I looked at Micah, I always imagined that when he looked up, he saw a completely different sky then the rest of us. This isn't just the imagination of a five years old, this is the springing of an imagination of a future man; set out to do big things and make big changes. Micah will never be a rocket scientist, or a brain surgeon (I imagine that would be too boring for him) but the world will know who he is. This is a pleasant welcome back for me, Steve...as all of your work is. How is everything? Catch up with me when you can, oui? I've missed you, mon ami.

    Always,
    ~Rachel~
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      i really enjoyed this poem it was well written and when i read it i could feel emotion coming out of it like it's actually happening at the moment
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by twotroubledteen | [ Reply to This ]
      Gosh, I love this work for a few reasons.

    First up, I am always amazed and intrigued at the imagination of children (which we somehow seem to lose as we grow older - why dammit?!), and you really caught a moment of true imagination and expressed it beautifully.

    Second, the dual mood you created ... the desolation, heat, struggle for survival versus the wonder and a level of lightness - it was a perfect balance. Someone else mentioned "Mars" and I totally have to agree :) It really took me to a Mars like environment.

    Third, and this got to me the most, was the beautiful way you wove the story into and around loss and heartbreak - yet also somehow managed to tap into hope.

    This was very, very well written. I'm sorry that I don't really have much constructive feedback, but really, that says everything.

    I am definitely faving this one.

    Cheers,
    ~TD
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by TD | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece made me sad because I know that my oldest son will never have that kind of bond with his real father. I makes me wonder what would happen to him if I was no longer here.

    The bond he has with my husband is strong, but what about when I am gone?

    This showed us about a fathers love. About the courage a father must have when he faces a crisis, and is left to carry on by himself. To love a child with all you are is all the courage one needs in life. They are our reason for existance, and they are the legacy that we leave behind. As adults, we must make difficult choices. By saving the son, the father saved the mother too. She will always be a part of him, and with him the father will always have a part of her.

    Great piece Steve.
    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      what a wonderful bonding experience with your son, although the mother/wife dying is a real bummer... the beauty of seeing through a child's eye, their imaginations are so fertile and it is for us to nurture that. sounds to me like you have a great relationship with your son, to be able to share such adventures together. very touching. your son is blessed to have such a caring father, and you are blessed to have such a sweet son.
    take care,
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      You made it impossible for me not to put your face on the father, and Micah's face on the son. So, let me compose myself, as I am dead in this, and try to comment on the piece.

    You have writtena good sci-fi piece here. I can envision these two on Mars- earth has died in a fiery blast- adn this poor father and son are lost, hungry, thirsty, dying. And still, the dad smiles and watches his little boy.

    I think you were completely accurate when you said the mother was better off. I don't know if I could have the courage to smile and play if things got THAT bad.

    Great piece- you have now caused 'something' to get in my eyes twice today! I love you!
    -me-
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      now THIS is a truely frightening scenario. a man could only save his son, losses his wife, and is now stuck in a place of intense heat, with no help in sight and worse still, no water...

    the complete and total innocence and faith of this is sooooo strong. the child playing with his "toys" while dad is helpless to do anything more than show a brave face and courage he cant possibly feel for his son. wow...what a sad message, and a piece to make you realize what is truely important...bravo!

    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! This was good...showing a father and son bonding no matter what is going on. The son only see innocence, The father on the other hand is the survivor who now need to provide. Amazing how a child can improvise. In a scenerio where an adult or child is in jeapordy, only one can be saved, reality the child will be saved. Remember children are the future. I hope a sacrafice like that never occur for you. Your write was great! you take care, wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      Steve, loved this! A boy and his father, not so different, both playing in fantasy. The boy with his car and mountains and dad with his space ship. This is well written and really pulls the reader in. You can feel the heat, the sand and I felt myself taking a gulp of coffee! :)

    If this really happened, then that changes everything. I hope such tragedy did not befall you!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      That was Amazing, really amazing! I loved it, I totally loved it! I read something like that before but it was a little different, it was a mother and her child or children, I don't really remember! And at that time I wondered whether I am going to read something like that but about a father! And now I did!

    But first of all I want to tell you that the description is very very long and that might make the readers get bored quickly and don't bother reading such a beautiful piece that really worth being read in my humble point of view!

    I really loved the way you presented the poem and the story behind the poem, you presented it very well and described the situation very carefully and very smartly too!

    The description of the situation itself was very good and made me picture the whole thing in my head and that proves that this a very good piece like I said!

    Specially in the first stanza, saying;

    "The father plays there in the dry sand with his son
    The boy has found a piece of metal
    To him, it&#8217;s a car
    A few rocks are mountains
    A flat stone is the roof of his new garage
    He explains that the car needs a garage because it&#8217;s so hot out here"

    And you even analyzed the whole thing! He needs a garage because of the hot weather!

    And I also want to mention the stanza, saying;

    "The only free water on this rock is a single tear
    For the wife, the mother
    He spared the boy a fiery death
    But there wasn&#8217;t time to save two"

    And if that is a true thing too then I have to say I'm so sorry for your loss!

    I also want to say that it's very well written with no spelling mistakes (I didn't find any), and that's a very good thing of course.

    I don't think I have anything else to add about this poem except saying; by reading this piece I've found my new favorite.

    Anyway, I hope that you find my comment somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      Ya know Steve, every once in a great while I venture out to explore the minds of those I feel are superbly great and what do I find...this type of friggin cool arse cans of beans...

    If a person cant find a big ol' smile after reading this, well then life is certainly passing them by. Thanks for sharing this moment, and thanks for the smiles. Have a good one and keep smilin'


    "The boy’s car will fly farther than his dad’s ship"

    Aint that just what every parent wants to see from their child. Nice.
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    68020

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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