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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What I've Become...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WindEmpress
    ASL Info:    15/f/meditating
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 95/124/44
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Misc/Betrayal
    Total Views: 195
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 460



    Description:
       .......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat I've Become...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look what I've become
    I tried to keep it from happening
    Look what's happened
    I tried to keep it from continuing.

    I'm sorry I got mad
    And I'm sorry you're mad
    This isn't our problem
    Then why is it affecting us so?

    I guess I tried too hard to become what I don't want
    And I did become it
    Its all my fault
    What more damage can be done?




    Submitted on 2005-07-25 18:39:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is good i really enjoyed it. i've felt that way before and well yeah you put it together nicely the sturcture was nice i think it could use a tad bit of work but what do i knowit seems like it may sound better if the frist line on the last stanza was broken but if it was my poem i'd be like no it should be that way and it probabaly should be just a suggestion. good job
    | Posted on 2005-09-23 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      well i think i understand where you are going with this poem. and i've certianly been there too. makes a whole lot of sense to me!
    i think if one reads between the lines they'll get it. great job.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]
      The only reason I know what's going on is because you told me about it. However, people need to understand that maybe you don't want to talk about the actual problem. *shrugs* Its intent was to talk about how you felt, not the situation. I don't think it's your best, not at all. But it's definately not the worst. Now for the content: it's not your fault. Breathe. You shouldn't blame yourself. These things come up, and I hope she understands that. I hope everything turns out ok. ~SirensSong~
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by SirensSong | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm. i have no idea what this is about...it makeds no sence to me, i think it needs some work...make some improvemnts...thats okmk tho. i need it too sometimes...
    -suicidalchild51-
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
      ummm...i have no idea what to write except for confusion. now call me an ignoramus, but why would you try too hard to become what you dont want? and what isnt your problem? i would give you an A for effort, but i just am having problems with this entry...but then i just have problems so don't mind me...
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Alyra | [ Reply to This ]



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