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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: longwinterdays
    ASL Info:    21/F/WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.99 - 204/190/64
    Words: 158
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 914
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 876



    Description:
       She walked all over me and the sad thing is that I let it happen everyday. I never said anything...but it is time to fight back.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    One day you will not be able to step on me
    Trying to make me into someone I'm not
    One day you will realize who I am
    An actuality that can't be fought

    One day you wont try to change me
    Another clone of you and your messed up reality
    One day you will see me bright and clear
    And not wonder why I have to be me

    One day you wont take me forgranted
    Look at me and see just another face
    One day you will care who I am
    And your haughtiness will be gone without a trace

    But on that day, I wont care
    No more tears, no more anger, no more hurt
    One day I will realize
    I can walk away unhurt

    One day I will run the mile
    That day is today
    And I will be strong and not look back
    I will not stagger, I will not stray




    Submitted on 2005-07-25 20:13:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      YEAH i SUPPOSE IT IS NICE TO SEE SOMEONE STICK UP FOR THEMSELVES BUT OTHER THAN THAT i REALLY DON'T SEE ANYTHING IN THIS PIECE UNIQUE, LIKE SOME OF YOUR OTHER STUFF...THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS BUT ANGST....i DON'T KNOW i HAVE READ MUCH BETTER FROM YOU AND i BELIEVE YOU KNOW THAT...i JUST CAN'T SAY GREAT AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF LIKE WAS DONE WHEN WE KNOW ......THE TRUTH
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      It's nice to see someone stand up for themselves and letting their voice be heard, if only we all could achieve that think how much happier we would be. The last stanza seemed a bit forced but maybe that was intentional. That may have been your way of saying that you were no longer going to let yourself be walked over and is forcing off the chains of oppression. Am i right or am i just taking stabs in the dark?
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      A very personal poem. Definitely something to look back on in 30 years time and laugh or cry. So, you've met a controlling woman. Tough. I married one. We still argue 40 years later because essentially she hasn't been able to change me and I haven't been able to change her. But wouldn't life be awful if we were all the same?
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      There was so much tension in this poem! I mean misc! Common it can't be misc! I felt so many emotions while reading this poem like; Anger, Hatred, and may be even depression too! That's why I think it can't be a misc!

    You used a certain style in this poem, writing five stanzas, the first three starts with "One day you will / won't...", and in the last stanza you used "One day I will..." and that's logical! You also used a constant number for the lines in each stanza, and that number is four, I mean by saying all this that there was a system that followed and that may be a good and a bad thing! A good thing because the poem seems so organized but bad because it seems so systematic!

    You have a small spelling mistake in the first line in the first stanza, saying;

    "forgranted", and it should two words not one! I mean "for granted"!!

    I also agree with "peanut911", concerning the last stanza, as the flow and rhyme seems forced and weird somehow!

    "One day I will run the mile
    That day is today
    And I will be strong and not look back
    I will not stagger, I will not stray"

    Anyway, I hope that you find my comment somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying; Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, i just read the poem again and even though i read it twice before i commented...i totally now disagree with myself bout the last stanza..it does sound good, lol.. sorry, it has been a long day.
    your poem, though, this poem, it got me thinkin bout my father and a certain friend...
    anyways, good job, lol.
    -meg*
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by peanut911 | [ Reply to This ]
      this all seemed to flow real nice but i didn't really like the last stanze, it seemed to me to mess up the whole flow that you did such an awesome job with in the previous stanzas.

    One day you will not be able to step on me
    Trying to make me into someone I'm not
    One day you will realize who I am
    An actuality that can't be fought

    i love this stanza...it really gets the poem going and lets the reader know right from the start the attitude and tone to be expected in the remainder of the poem..
    i like how you didn't force a rhyme scheme into the whole poem but did include rhyme.
    well done!
    -meg*
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by peanut911 | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW. This is what I hope to one day achieve, I can totally relate to this piece. Except for me it has to do with my father, (and some other people) I really enjoyed this you nailed it, and I am adding it to my favorites. Thanks.
    *Bas*
    | Posted on 2005-07-25 00:00:00 | by bas | [ Reply to This ]


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