YEAH i SUPPOSE IT IS NICE TO SEE SOMEONE STICK UP FOR THEMSELVES BUT OTHER THAN THAT i REALLY DON'T SEE ANYTHING IN THIS PIECE UNIQUE, LIKE SOME OF YOUR OTHER STUFF...THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS BUT ANGST....i DON'T KNOW i HAVE READ MUCH BETTER FROM YOU AND i BELIEVE YOU KNOW THAT...i JUST CAN'T SAY GREAT AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF LIKE WAS DONE WHEN WE KNOW ......THE TRUTH
It's nice to see someone stand up for themselves and letting their voice be heard, if only we all could achieve that think how much happier we would be. The last stanza seemed a bit forced but maybe that was intentional. That may have been your way of saying that you were no longer going to let yourself be walked over and is forcing off the chains of oppression. Am i right or am i just taking stabs in the dark?
A very personal poem. Definitely something to look back on in 30 years time and laugh or cry. So, you've met a controlling woman. Tough. I married one. We still argue 40 years later because essentially she hasn't been able to change me and I haven't been able to change her. But wouldn't life be awful if we were all the same?
There was so much tension in this poem! I mean misc! Common it can't be misc! I felt so many emotions while reading this poem like; Anger, Hatred, and may be even depression too! That's why I think it can't be a misc!
You used a certain style in this poem, writing five stanzas, the first three starts with "One day you will / won't...", and in the last stanza you used "One day I will..." and that's logical! You also used a constant number for the lines in each stanza, and that number is four, I mean by saying all this that there was a system that followed and that may be a good and a bad thing! A good thing because the poem seems so organized but bad because it seems so systematic!
You have a small spelling mistake in the first line in the first stanza, saying;
"forgranted", and it should two words not one! I mean "for granted"!!
I also agree with "peanut911", concerning the last stanza, as the flow and rhyme seems forced and weird somehow!
"One day I will run the mile That day is today And I will be strong and not look back I will not stagger, I will not stray"
Anyway, I hope that you find my comment somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying; Good luck and keep it up.
ok, i just read the poem again and even though i read it twice before i commented...i totally now disagree with myself bout the last stanza..it does sound good, lol.. sorry, it has been a long day. your poem, though, this poem, it got me thinkin bout my father and a certain friend... anyways, good job, lol. -meg*
this all seemed to flow real nice but i didn't really like the last stanze, it seemed to me to mess up the whole flow that you did such an awesome job with in the previous stanzas.
One day you will not be able to step on me Trying to make me into someone I'm not One day you will realize who I am An actuality that can't be fought
i love this stanza...it really gets the poem going and lets the reader know right from the start the attitude and tone to be expected in the remainder of the poem.. i like how you didn't force a rhyme scheme into the whole poem but did include rhyme. well done! -meg*
WOW. This is what I hope to one day achieve, I can totally relate to this piece. Except for me it has to do with my father, (and some other people) I really enjoyed this you nailed it, and I am adding it to my favorites. Thanks. *Bas*