I want to sleep forever by MurphyGirl44

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Submission Name: I want to sleep forever dots

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Author:	MurphyGirl44
Elite Ratio:	3.69 - 70/76/25
Words:	123

Class/Type:	Poetry/Romance
Total Views:	311
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	714

Description:

I want to sleep forever dots

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I want to sleep forever
Let my dreams consume me

I want to let my mind slip into pure ecstasy
Let my hair cascade down my back, soft silk trailing over my skin

I want to luxuriate in your touch, even though your just an image in my head
Let me melt against your strong body, let me sink into your loving arms

I want to place my arms around your neck and revel in your gentle kisses
Let me catch my breath,my lips slightly part, perspiration settles on my upper lip

I want to sleep forever
Let me sleep, do not wake me from such bliss

I want to sleep forever
Let me sleep forever, please...

Submitted on 2005-07-26 12:59:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  The impression is a longing for someone...sleep being used as never wanting it to end...a deep love? This is a very well written work, talks of "soft" sensual things...then into the mind...which is where it all began, thus making a full circle...dreams...sleep...romantic indeed.

Alan
| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow this is great , i'm thinking wow kelly can i have the man in your dreams he sounds hot lol.
its great to dream to get away from reality and the heartache in ths world.
great Job
take care
lainie x
| Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! this was HOT! I actually got a little excited reading this. Very vivid, Very feminine! I thought the repitition worked well. Nice job, makes one wish they were in your dream! :)

If you get a chance read kiss1 & kiss2

Nice write !

Steve
| Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
  It seems as if I have seen some of these lines randomly in other poems or writings. Not saying you plagerized anyone, only that, as sajhana said it seemed clichéd. The feeling is there and your use of metaphors is good, only it seemed old hat to me. Sorry I couldn't offer a nicer critique. But if everyone just printed fluff, we couldn't grow as poets.

your friend
ben
| Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
  one can almost picture the scene.. its so well said that one wants to experience such intimacy as well.. a lot has been packed into a few lines..
yet, the 'dream' described is kinda clichéd.. there is a lot more individuality in people's so called dreams... that is the only thing missing.
| Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
  wow this is really good. Great job. I love how you get into detail, that's always good to do. How it's all a dream but she doesn't want to wake from it. I think we've all been here before, want to be stuck in our dreams rather than face reality. Good job. Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff!
~manda~
| Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by manderz_1207 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this alot. Talk about sweet dreams! I liked the way you kept it simple, yet, it was still very vivid as to what was happening in the poem. Everything about this was good. Nice job.
Maggie
| Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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