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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eulogy for the Forgottendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1334



    Description:
       I don't know where this came from. I have no idea what inspired it. However, I am glad it came to me. Even now it's effect is enlightening. I hope it does the same for you.
    I am not trying to make a political statement nor an endorsement of anything. Simply a suggestion of individual humanity.

    Your Friend
    ben

    PS A great big thank you to Wewak11 for helping me put together a line in this piece that totally was out of synch. it truly helped me get it together.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEulogy for the Forgottendots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a potters field a cross stands bare,
    Nary a person nor flower is there.
    No witness of this individualís life,
    Blank testament of struggle and strife.

    He lived his life by the golden rule,
    Alone, but for his dreams of children in school.
    The hopes, the passions now lie in state,
    No peer for which to commiserate.

    A barren cross beneath an uninspired sky,
    Silhouettes of branches too proud to die.
    The threadbare ground unfertile for crop,
    A perfect ambiance for death to stop.

    No cacophony of nature no maternal nurture,
    The pain of sorrow an eternal torture.
    Of humanís suffrage the portrait is framed,
    An homage to poor, of trespassing disdain.

    Never forsake an individualís presence,
    The lives he touches can shape our essence.
    A singular flame of humanities wildfire,
    Burns fiercely till snuffed by societies ire.

    Pause in your lifetime to acknowledge a soul,
    Listen as someonbody's story is told.
    Offer a kind heart, a shoulder to lean,
    Make their day better, their hearts to glean.

    This personís story is reminiscent of many,
    Their only crime is to die without a penny.






    Submitted on 2005-07-26 13:27:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i must be honest.
    it brought tears to my eyes.
    i have no criticism.
    | Posted on 2007-02-05 00:00:00 | by XmaryjaneX | [ Reply to This ]
      yes! i like it Ben!
    the first two stanzas are really good, and the all the rhyme, wording, rhythm fit together nicely. kinda sad, though, huh?
    you explain it clearly, and you bring to mind the scenes in detail. I'm not COMPLETELY sure what ALL of it means, but still I have to say good job!

    yes, ben, i think it's true poetry.


    your friend,
    T
    | Posted on 2005-11-14 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm, i liked it, it wasn't the best i've ever read, but it's still qutie good. There were many lines in here that i fell in love with, but i think you could have found a better more inspiring ending. Saying he died without a penny...though it can be metaphorical, the rest of the poem makes it seem like there should be something more heart wrenching and connect at the end. That is my only criticsm. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem is pure real poetry,one where poeple can actually learn from it. Its true the rich get more notice,but i can tell u this, my grandmother who wasn't rich is remembered on the same high level or more,because she earn the respect and love from the entire family. what fools we are we admire and think highly of people we know,yet don't take the time to know our own family members.

    Awesome write
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      nice write i am the same as you add 2 years i think gang violence the same as you but my son
    doesnt think so it was written to him thanx anyways
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Without echoing these fellows here
    Here is what I think of the piece
    - great rhyming and flow
    - excellent imagery
    - a display of technique
    - an overall good poem with a good message
    Easy to understand and comprehend
    And smooth on the soul~
    Good Job,
    I liked it a lot.
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome! I love the the flow, and the wording, but, above all that, i love the message. This was really really great. I have always hated how the poor, and most of the middle-class die without rememberance beyond immediate family, no matter how great of a person they were, and the rich, no matter how horrible, are given the gift of the public's memory.
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]
      Very touching piece. I thought i felt tears coming to my eyes. Such a striking piece in its truth and so beautifully written. You are right, this is a very enlightening piece. Your rhyming and wording fell into each other to weave a splendid piece. Excellent job, keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this piece was very touching and echoed a sentiment of many in this life - we think it's living for nothing but it truly is living for everything. We may not have much but we have the ability to offer each other so much love and support.
    I enjoyed this style from you and think you presented it quite well!
    Love,Peace,Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      "An homage to poor, of trespassing disdain."

    trespassing disdain? I had to really try and figure that one out. Do you mean inviting disdain? or above disdain? Just a little niggle there.

    "Pause in your lifetime to acknowledge a soul,
    Listen a moment, stave off the cold. "

    the stave off the cold seems a tiny bit out of sync, as though it's just filling the line out.

    Pause in your lifetime, acknowledge a soul,
    Listen as somebody's story is told.

    (And society's ire)

    Just my two cents worth Dave.

    So much for criticism! This is very very good, man, and you probably know that yourself.
    A nice humanitarian anthem with all the right messages.

    Nice descriptions of the barrenness of a poor death, with the right criticism at the uncaring attitudes of the world.

    It IS a change for you, going soft on me, eh? Must be Cleo's influence!

    Excellent work, my friend,

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    68125

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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