The Boy Who Smushed His Lips by amateur

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Submission Name: The Boy Who Smushed His Lips dots

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Author:	amateur
Elite Ratio:	4.86 - 19/22/11
Words:	64

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	205
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	480

Description:
venting(lil hidden poems)

The Boy Who Smushed His Lips dots

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He says his
skin isn't close enough
to his bones and his
lips are too thick
to show
but his beauty
he doesn't know
and it's a shame
because he
bows for false friends
and he
clings to new trends
blindly, for social love...
and he
holds his beautiful
Latin tongue
under an artificial
White accent
just to walk with an
uncaring crowd.

Submitted on 2005-07-26 15:54:13 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Aw... this was touching. All those little specifics made the poem so delicately beautiful- skin not being close enough to bones, lips being too thick to show his beauty, beautiful Latin tongue, white accent- those descriptions touched me. I wonder if this poem is about yourself?

I like your line breaks because they aren't where people would usually expect em. They kinda remind me of the way I like to break off my lines and stanzas in my own writing.

One mistake here I believe:
'but his beauty / his(should it be he?) doesnt know'
There is a really nice flow it it- it's as if a drop of water is slowly dripping down fromone object to another- your lines just kind of drip into one another- I hope I'm making sense. lol xD

Yeah, this was a nice write. Hope to read more of your pieces soon.

The title seems a bit misleading. Maybe you could try another title if you're looking to experiment!

Enjoyed the read- came close to being a fave.

-Farrah
| Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by babixpeaches | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi,
I like your piece. It's true! Sadly, prejudices still exist. Bad part about it the younger generation is pressured into an acceptance" click". If your hair too kinky, you can't be with us. If your mom a "rican" no way! If you are black, stay back. If you are slant eyes, bye bye. The only other thing for them to do is to "passa", pass for whatever they are trying to fit in with. The world would be a better place if everyone was color blind. I tell anyone, do not be shame of your herritage. I hope you can see if a person can't accept you for you, they are not a true friend. If they were, color would not matter. you take care...wanda
| Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
  interesting poem about how one hides their true self to be with a crowd that one wouldn't normally want to be with.

I liked the way how the poem moved through and the message of it. (( I tend to misunderstand poems or miss their message so ignore me if I am wrong )) But if I am right, well here goes.

Seems like you should always be true to yourself and whats nots. To not care if you're latin, asian, black, white, euro, etc. etc. Because if you are who you are others will relate and like you.

Hope I didn't mess up your message to much.

-ERic "ACOmmonCOld" Chang
| Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by acommoncold | [ Reply to This ]

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