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    dots Submission Name: JAKEdots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 561
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 574

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    When you speak I listen . Waiting for the dream to come over me like it does to you ,it never comes though I never can see it ,jealous, envious of your mind ,its solemn flame I love her because you love her .Citrus and marigold on a canvas of black . Chemical strength . Screams cut through the darkness so familiar, so real ,like life paused rewound played again and again...Who’s hand is it that rescues you ,tosses you from the night .and why, why burn you with the light, with the life…

    Submitted on 2005-07-26 23:02:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      my dear freind jake has a women he is in love with i dont like her but i have to love her because he does he is into mind expansion so when he describes her it comes accross vivid strange i was trying to capture that
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm... i dont get it,...maybe you should put something in the description box so some ppl know what ur talking about if they dont understand...like me so that =i can understand! i wanna know what it means!
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Suicidalchild51 | [ Reply to This ]
      you should re-structure this so it fits into more of a poem format. maybe that way people would understand your message more and read it the way you want it to be read. some of the lines were pretty good while others seemed fabricated.
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]

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