Were you riding while drunk too? Lol, this puts me in mind of a time when I was riding my bmx around as a kid... I hit a curb and sacked my nuts on the frame. Boy, that was the most pleasant feeling ever, and I still remember those few seconds when my tender bits were still riding while my mind wasn't.
Anyway, I don't think you were really wanting an in-depth critique... it's just one of those moments when a "Eureka" hits you... literally lol.
Funny stuff. Peace,
P.S. Actually, I do have a suggestion you may use or not, and that's to break this up where the two pauses seem to be. Here:
I like the backpack I have: It's black and has many pouches
Not like the other Whose straps caught in bicycle spokes While speeding down steep hills Sending my head Over my handlebars.
Santa does not deliver Front teeth on Christmas day In spite of what Alvin may wish.
I think this establishes this as more of a poetic story-- with an intro, middle and conclusion. What do you think?
lol Haha It might be because of the lack of sleep (although I doubt it), but I got a kick out of this. You are too funny. I like how it's so calm and simple. How anyone could read this and not laugh is beyond me.
"Sending my head Over my handlebars"
lol I love that.
Earlier, I was complaining that people aren't funny enough, these days... but it seems I was wrong.
I really liked this This is a great write To me you spoke of a person who possibly does not have enough money to spend on a car so they travel by bicycle However what I found that was written very well Is how you spoke of cartoons I believe that children are easily innfluenced and yes there is too much violence in cartoons For instance Have you ever seen this new cartoon Family Guy Its outragous and completely vulgar When I think that they had the audacity to call it Family Guy It makes me sick I dont know if this is the message you were going for with this write But thank You for opening up some eyes to it Take Care Ron
Haha! This is short, and humorous and quite interesting in content. I read your description after I read your poem which helped me to understand this a bit better. But it put a smile on my face this morning! Made me wonder if you had been enjoying the same drink while riding your bike too? haha! I cant say anything negative about a poem that is so lighthearted and fun. Thanks for sharing this one, it has given me a welcomed smile! Take care.
Chris, you devil dinosaur you,-although not in the same league with your shanty-like ballads, I thought this was rather funny. I alwasy think it's a giggle ,-the wird connections and perceptions of an altered mind-state. I follow the chian of convoluted thinking here perfectly,-(and that's scary!), as a matter of fact i think like that a lot even without benefit of any mind -altering substances. Lately i have been stuck on trying to complete or revise stacks of older things. This makes me feel like burning them all and starting off with a Liter of good wine- and seeing where it goes.
This one is pretty cool just for the fun images it puts in the mind. You did a great job there and the bit about the pouches made me think this was set in the old days. My brother had a bike with a fixed wheel meaning that you could get up some speed and then put both feet on the pedal and go up & down in circles. Your poem took me back and made me smile. Watcha drinking?
lol this sounds like a lot of poems I've read by established and famous poets. They make absolutely no sense sometimes.
I wonder if I can somehow grasp a deeper meaning behind this. I'm guessing Alvin is a little brother who just lost his two front baby teeth and now he's wishing for them back. lol That's cute, if it is so. Seems like even while drunk, you're trying to tell us all a message that sometimes life throws at you things that you want and other times it could care less about you. I like the lack of punctuation- it adds to the randomness and elucidation.
So it seems like out of coincidence and fuzzy logic you've written something that can be admirable. lol
hehe...i liked this quite humerous...lol...alvin and the chipmunks and a back pack one must be drunk to combine such thoughts...looks like when you pasted this word added some random letters in there mine does that to...no biggie though...i actually wish this was longer because i think you could of made it even funnier...but thas just me...purps