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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Digging deepdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: K
    ASL Info:    26/Namibia/Africa
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 183/172/46
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 747



    Description:
       Really just a random thought that came out like this when I put the pen to paper. As much as I'd like to say that I am now a child of the light, it seems the darkness remains. Any sort of comments.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDigging deepdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm digging a hole
    Don't know for what purpose or intent
    For now, at least, I know I am whole
    As whole as I can be without my significant other's content.

    Why'm I digging this hole
    To bury the past?
    And finally be released
    Or is it bury My-self?

    Was it You speaking to me in mass?
    Do You want me to take charge and do that?
    Is that the purpose You have for me?
    Do You really believe I'm capable of taking charge?

    I'm digging deep
    In more ways than one
    Digging deep for answers
    While yet digging deep
    To bury all that caused conflict within me
    Digging deep to bury
    You




    Submitted on 2005-07-27 05:26:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi K. I liked this poem. I really like the second stanza, and the last one is my favorite. I think that the two last lines 'Digging deep to bury
    You' they wrap it up very nicely.

    I do think that it needs some work though.
    Personaly I would add some more punctuation but, I don't think it is necessary
    In the last line of the second stenza, I think you should insert 'to' in between 'it' and 'bury' so it looks like this: 'Or is it to bury My-self?'

    Next thing, The last stanza seems a little off.
    I think the problem being the fourth line.
    I would change it from 'While yet digging deep' to
    'While yet digging deeper'
    or take out 'while' and 'yet'
    So it would read like this:
    "I'm digging deep
    In more ways than one
    Digging deep for answers
    While yet digging deeper
    To bury all that caused conflict within me
    Digging deep to bury
    You"
    OR
    "I'm digging deep
    In more ways than one
    Digging deep for answers
    digging deep
    To bury all that caused conflict within me
    Digging deep to bury
    You"
    I think that the first one reads better though.

    Anyway, I really did enjoy this read, it is a good poem all it needs is a few changes. It was a little haunting for me...and made me a little sad, and I really liked that about this poem.

    *bas*
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by bas | [ Reply to This ]
      You're are right about one thing, for sure, we are all digging a hole...doesn't matter if it is for someone else, for ourselves or anything else...everyday we dig to seek..to find-answers, maybe...I like this...

    First I must fix the only correction I see-easily fixable...

    "Why'm I digging this hole"

    Should be:
    "Why I'm digging this hole"

    Now that's done and over with-shall I praise you on this poem...

    "I'm digging deep
    In more ways than one
    Digging deep for answers
    While yet digging deep
    To bury all that caused conflict within me
    Digging deep to bury
    You"

    This is the best part...because you are completely right...we dig to bury and to find...great-this is...
    ummm...I like digging for you-your quest is to find your love...I like that...usually it's to seek some kind of enlightment...that's what I'm digging for...maybe later when I've digged so far...I'll be deep enough to dig for love along the way...
    Did I say this already, but I like this poem...it's more of a question, self-thought poem...contemplating thought...and I'm sure all of us ask ourselves more than once...what is it we are in search for...
    This is so far, I think, the best poem I've read from you...
    Bravo
    -stacey-
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the way you expanded on your theme so that "digging deep" could be applied on many levels. That really opened the poem up and givs the reader a bit to think about. The ending where you say "digging deep to bury you" sounds dark and was kinda cool too. There's conflict in this poem between good and evil and the fact that the scene is set with someone digging so that the conflict is played out on earth and actually in the earth is cool. It leaves you wondering which one won out. A thought provoking piece I felt your diction was a little shaky/awkward in just a few places and could be smoothed over a little. Enjoyed
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      *sigh, so I had this comment typed up, for you, and well...

    I pressed Tab, and then Enter, and my comment was gone =[ this is the second time it happened today... lol I'm so angarrray

    well let's give this another go.

    I think the first thing I said was that I liked the wordplay on hole/whole in the first stanza, whether it was intentional or not. However, it sounds a bit forced, so if you somehow make it sound more natural, it'll work great! For example, here is where I got uncomfortable seeing the word 'whole': 'As whole as I can be without my significant other's content'

    Kk, the second thing I mentioned was that the phrase 'digging deep' is highly overused in the piece. It kind of kills the title, ya know what I mean? Try... digging hard, or shoveling, or something to that extent, maybe?

    Your third stanza sounds like you're talking to God or some kind of divine entity, but in your first stanza you mention a significant other and in your last stanza you talk about burying 'You' (burying God??), so I wasn't sure whether 'You' was a significant other or God. lol [maybe I'm just sloooooooow-I woke up not too long ago lol]

    this piece reminds me of Holes, the movie AND the book by Louis Sachar... lol have you read it? It's quite a story. They just keep digging and digging.

    This line 'Do You want me to take charge and do that?'
    take charge and do what? I got lost here.

    Piece needs some work, but I'm sure you can make it beautiful!

    -Farrah
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by babixpeaches | [ Reply to This ]


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    68226

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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