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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Outcastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoneWolf
    ASL Info:    16/F/Earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 136/108/19
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1045
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 923



    Description:
       Now that i read this again, i think it's really bad.

    It was about the time i was upset with my friend for excluding me from everything since she found a new friend. so i was sad and mad with her.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOutcastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You no longer remember me
    A long forgotten memory
    You found a new friend
    And don't try to pretend
    Like you still care
    I'm an outcast

    You don't know me any more
    I'm so lost, so insecure
    None of this makes any sense
    And my only way to cope
    Was to fall blindly into ignorance
    I'm an outcast

    But what I found in the end
    Is I dont' need any friends
    I can see through your act
    Before you can stab me in the back
    I'm an outcast

    So leave me here
    I don't care
    I'll disappear
    It's more than I can bear
    I'm just an outcast

    Everything is said and done
    As I turn around and run
    Over the edge
    To the rocks

    Nobody would care
    About the death of an outcast




    Submitted on 2005-07-27 12:58:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm... I read this before. Why did I not comment? Oh well. I'll do it now

    I disagree with what you said in the description. I think it's really good.
    I love the repetition of "I'm an outcast." It's got a whole sad, lonely feeling... which is what I'm pretty sure you were going for.

    I like the part:

    "I can see through your act
    Before you can stab me in the back
    I'm an outcast"

    As always, very nicely done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is another deep and personal poem from you
    I do not consider you an outcast
    Im sure you have the love of a family behind you
    Remain Positive
    And it will carry you to a brighter and clearer future
    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i just thought, "damn, did he get you too?" lol, but i know that's highly unlikely. I really enjoyed reading and I am glad you presented here on eliteskills. when i was in that same position, I wrote "Hope" and my US History teacher suggested I play sports to cheer up. Anway, I connected the most with the lines:
    "But what I found in the end
    Is I dont' need any friends
    I can see through your act
    Before you can stab me in the back
    I'm an outcast

    So leave me here
    I don't care
    I'll disappear
    It's more than I can bear
    I'm just an outcast"

    Perfect. The ending seemed a little off to me, but its affect was great nonetheless. Please, keep writing. You have definite skills.

    Lee Minsu
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by Lee Minsu | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good venting piece. I could really feel the emotions you were going through when you wrote this and experienced the anger of a friend leaving you. I love that you kept repeating "I'm an outcast". It really gave some more "ommf" to the piece. I'm not sure why I say ommf... I'm not sure if you understand the meaning of ommf.. but it's kind of like saying it just made it a lot more effective for the reader. Good work! :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with X on this one.

    I have a question for you though...you have a line that states you fall into ingorance...I'm not sure if you were just searching for a word that would rhyme and thought this one would sound good or if there is a meaning behind that since you dont touch on it.

    There is really nothing to critique on a vent because after all ...a vent is just getting things off your chest/mind/shoulders..so there are no right or wrong ways to write those...

    xoxox
    T
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well expressed poem! I can remember having those feelings too! In fact, I still do sometimes! People are just the way they are and you gotta just roll with it ya know? You and your friend will mend fences. She hurt your feelings and is spending time with a new friend but she will come back if you are a good person and a good friend and if she doesn't then you are probably better off. Anyway, I like your poem! I can feel your hurt in your words. Good write! Take care!
    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      It's one of those teenaged angst poems. Probably one of the first one's you wrote after getting serious about writing. It's one of those days when you are feeling like that...I noticed that you said you think it's pretty bad. The human experience is never a bad thing. Because what one has experienced another has as well...and I'm sure many other teens can relate to this piece:)

    Nice...

    X
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, wow, this was really good! I can't really think of anything much to tell you...

    You might try not trying to rhyme constantly. I love a poem that rhymes. Sometimes rhyming can make something sound a little too forced. I don't think this was one of those kind of poems...just some advice for the future.

    Keep writing! You've got a pormising talent.

    Stefanie
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by DeadValentine | [ Reply to This ]


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