Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Marionettedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 566
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 603



    Description:
       This actually began as a commentary on the frustration of creating something that doesn't quite satisfy. This begged the question, "What if God were as demanding a perfectionist as I am?" This is the result .


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMarionettedots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I slit the skull
    pound in the eyes
    gouge a mouth
    form ears from scraps
    lace filaments for hair
    teach the lips to smile
    give the clay mind wit
    teach the articulate ape
    to cohabit among tribes
    just alike;
    would it profane
    its place,
    in pure streams
    deficate?
    boil in seething ennui
    delivering dreams
    to hate?

    So? I would have
    laughed at it
    if I hadn't pitied it more:
    cast down before it came to life
    to the hell it was intended for.




    Submitted on 2005-07-27 21:30:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a really great piece. Aren't we all glad God's not a perfectonist? You've really got something w/ this; it'll make a lot of people think (myself included) which is always a good thing. Great job. Sorry I don't have any suggestions for improvement.
    J
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      very powerful , i'm getting a sense of not wanting to be such the pefectionist you are maybe just wanting to be free of it for a little while , but you wouldnt be the person you are and i sometimes wish i was more like that so things got finished and i didnt have such a layed back look at life , but then i think i'm who i am and i wouldnt be me without it.

    great job got me thinking
    take care
    Lainie x
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by lainie75 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    68307

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Etiquette written by saartha
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Carry written by saartha
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry