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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Voodoodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bleeding-soul
    ASL Info:    17/m/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 94/94/14
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 949
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 456



    Description:
       Have you ever felt like you are being used? Do you want someone's attention so bad that you would do anything for them....even if they treated you like shit or ignored you afterwards? I have. That is where this poem comes from. I know it doesn't have much of a "flow" but I hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVoodoodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Pins and needles
    Prick my soul
    I'm like a doll
    Used for everyone's pleasure
    But to my discomfort
    I'm thrown away
    Torn and tattered
    Why do I let myself be used?
    Do I really care that much?
    The answers are unclear
    But I feel the prick of the needle again
    It's not hurting anymore
    I'm numb now
    But it's still uncomfortable





    Submitted on 2005-07-28 09:47:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I've seen and whole lot better than this one.

    I'm sorry to say, but I really didn't like it. Theres so many things to give critque on, I don't know where to start. Here lets do this:

    It was unclear, the imagery didn't make sense at all, I should have been able to see right into your mind, and I couldn't.

    You've done better.

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one, I just didn't understand how you could be numb, but yet still feel the prick of the needle. I can relate though because all of my friends always ditch me. I think that the idea to this was really good too. I haven't read a piece like this one, and I think that you should write another one like this. Great write, and I am looking forward to reading some more of your work!
    ~Alyssa~
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow being used like a voodoo doll so people can get what they want aint good at all... I know been happened to me a couple of times and it was so hurtful at one point all i could think about was just ending it but then i became so numb to it that i let everyone fly by me one by one using me... Thanks for this and keep writting
    | Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      Man this was so awesome...you really should write more...and I hope you weren't referring to me man cause I love you so much...you are such an awesome friend to me and I just don't want you to think I ever ignore you...sometimes me and Jess sit around and we talk about how cool you are man and I just want you to know how appreciated you are.

    Jaz
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the voodoo doll metaphor, and the numbness (drug use?) Like comfortably numb by pink floyd? I agree a little expanding of this would help. However, it is a promising piece, just needs a little refinement.

    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      wow heres one i can fully relate to! i have been used a lot. im kind of one of those people who always get walked all over on. and whenever i try to stand up to people they just always say fine [censored] you too. but i like this a lot. voodoo was a great way to compare the feeling to. i think im gonna make this a fav!


    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the title and the premise for the piece and think this offers some good imagery but, in my thought, if you really expanded on the Voodoo Doll metaphor a bit more.
    We've all done this at some time or in some relationship and it's no fun to be used or ignored. Good job!
    Love,Peace,Joy! epiphany ; - }
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      YAH i Can relate to the emoitional stagger the poem pours out {as i read} the opener is a great visual aspect to the poem as a whole. i like the poem for its honesty! thats what makes art great.
    JWI
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by J W I | [ Reply to This ]
      you have chosen a good topic to write about, and it is good piece you have written, i have felt like i was used once, when i was still at school, and the feeling isnt nice, you have just got to stand up for yourself, and tell these people that your not going to be pushed around any more, thanx for shaing x x x
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      completly understand this. yes it may need a little more added to it but its good this way also. i understand the feeling of being used.. comepletly. i really liekd teh whole concept of voodoo. very well done.
    ashley
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by star_on_fire22 | [ Reply to This ]


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