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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: pinurplepassion
    ASL Info:    24/f/somewhere in TX
    Elite Ratio:    5.92 - 165/146/17
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1894



    Description:
       This is a first draft...I know it needs a lot of work...any ideas???


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    "She is like a circle, with no beginning and no end. She is forever strong, forever faithful. I will follow her to the end of eternity. For my longing for her is, too, but a circle."



    She floats through the night on a dream,
    and gently lands beside me.
    I feel her softly touch my cheek,
    As her tender song rocks me
    into deeper slumber.
    I struggle to wake,
    to gaze upon her beauty
    but as I open my eyes,
    She is carried away like a whisper of smoke
    odancing on a breeze...
    upward.

    Each time I remember,
    the first moment
    when she was lost to me.
    So many times,
    tears have soaked the pillow,
    that cradled my head
    in her moment of conception,
    that I just cant seem to throw away.

    She is….
    So far away
    from bloody thighs in the bathroom.
    So far away
    from an indescribable pain.
    So far away now
    from the panicked flick of the wrist
    that flushed her away.
    But I lack the strength to free myself
    of the burden in my heart...
    still longing

    If only just once I could press her hungry mouth
    against my chest
    that still seems swollen,
    and nourish the tiny life inside her.
    The life I failed to sustain.

    If only I could hear my angel's laughter
    from outside my head
    and not just with my heart
    And hold her and look into her daddy's
    baby blue eyes, kiss her softly,
    watch her sleep.

    If only I knew that
    she knows
    that I would gladly give everything I have
    and all that I am
    just to hear her say "I love you"

    I love you
    my baby
    my angel
    my Emmalee.




    Submitted on 2005-07-28 10:12:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow! so + yeah, I am getting you had a miscairage and these are your feelings, yeah not a good picture only because I have been through it ...well not me but the girl ---eh ya know anyway yeah this is sad and there isn't really too much I can say except I didn't know what you were talking about till bllody thighs--then I started going what the fffff--any-ha I am sorry about this-Is this why you went on vacation-would be pretty good reason I suppose--Me I am always on vacation so it's kind of tough for me to even comprehend but yeah ----I liked the poem I feel ya--I feel ya bad
    L.t
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Joye…

    No problem, I will take a look at it…

    This is a hard one…

    I have read it over and over to get a better picture of what the poems is all about/what the message in the poem would be. And I must say that you did not give me an easy job here, because this poem is very strong and I know you must have used a lot of time on it. So after a lot of considerations I have tried to make a version which still needs some more work, but I hope you are able to use some of it. If not, just let me know and I will try to look at it again and again until you think it is in the shape you want it. I have changed the title, because I think that the symbol of an angle is better and gives the reader a better idea of how much she really means to you. How much pain you must feel, even though “she is so far away now, from the panicked flick of the wrist, that flushed her away.”

    Keep writing ;0)

    KNS

    Thanks for trusting me ;0)

    ”My angel”

    She always floats through the night in my dreams,
    and gently lands beside me.
    I always feel her softly touches my cheek,
    As her tender song rocks me
    into deeper slumber.
    I struggle to wake,
    to gaze upon her beauty
    but as I open my eyes,
    She is carried away like a whisper of smoke
    on a dancing breeze... (or dancing on a breeze)…
    upwardly.

    Each time I tries to remember,
    the first moment
    when she was lost to me.
    tears soaks my pillow,
    ”I Pres her against my chest”
    That still seams swollen
    in moments of conception,
    that I just cant seem to throw away.
    the life I failed to sustain

    She is….
    So far away
    from bloody thighs in the bathroom.
    So far away
    from an indescribable pain.
    So far away now
    from the panicked flick of the wrist
    that flushed her away.
    But I lack the strength to free myself
    of the burden in my heart.
    still longing
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my, that was so sad, very powerful, my whole body, it seemed had chills and all the hair stood up.
    As how to improve on this, well after reading this I am a little bit off, all that really got to and through to me is the powerful emotion of this piece. So, I'm not too sure, maybe because of how strongly it affected me I just kind of overlooked the rest. Anywho thankx for the great read I really enjoyed it in a sad kind of a way.
    *bas*
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by bas | [ Reply to This ]
      First off...I'm sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is hard to take I'm sure. I've never been through it but I can imagine it must be a painful, emotional experience.
    The first stanza was nice and delicately written..and the rest was heart-wrenching, sad, and emotional.
    One can feel your emptiness while reading this.
    I don't know what to tell you to improve on.. It seems a very personal piece, from the heart... You got your thoughts and feelings across. I hope the healing has begun for you.

    Take care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    68360

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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