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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Mad Story of a True Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 977



    Description:
       This is the description of a former co worker who suffered mental instability, delusional behavior and drug addiction. Because he refused treatment and used ephedrine as a substitute for cocaine, he was known as "Speeder," but his given name was Mark.


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    dotsThe Mad Story of a True Mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    He said if he
    put a bullet through
    my skull angels
    would dance
    on my grave.

    He lives to drape
    that animal mystique
    next to his skin.

    He laughs, he's
    seen too much
    violence, TV
    Radio, B-movies;
    thinks dreams are
    manga, foreign film,
    cartoons, pornography.

    He claims a slave
    mastery, but lately
    his fat body seethes
    with the low rumble of
    rotten lungs.

    His
    dreams twist like
    string round the fingertips
    of children crawling
    through trash heaps
    for treasures they
    can't possibly contain;
    artifacts they'd sooner
    lose than keep.

    He's like that,
    likes to hover round
    gullible sons of
    unfortunate daughters
    to impress them
    before they mock him
    in his sleep.




    Submitted on 2005-07-28 10:38:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this almost felt like i was delusional.. haha. the way you worded it brought the reader on a rollercoaster of imagery.. i really enjoyed this.. thanks for sharing it
    ~*~amber~*~
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by rocknpoetrychik | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was really putting the image in my head. You describe very well, that's something to be incredibly proud of, because most peple soud forced when they do it. You gave me the impression of an angry, selfish man. But there is depth to him beyond that, and that is the key to this poem. Wonderful job, hope to see more form you.
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      what a sad, sad image. this is very well written (though I'm not sure why "his" is on a separate line in stanza 5) and the word choice is excellent. The picture you paint of someone so full of self-importance but so easily held in contempt is vibrant and sharp (okay, vibrant's probably not the right word, but you get the idea). Great job.
    J
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]


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